okay so, i'm not anorexic or really bulimic, but i'm struggling with not engaging with that sort of behavior, my dad, people at primary and even my current school have criticised me for my weight, i'm not even that fat, just thick, and nowadays i feel like my weight is tied directly to my self-worth. it's stopped me from enjoying life and i refuse to do certain physics practicals because i can't even look at my weight on the scales without feeling like i'm worthless and pathetic and a disgrace. I've started forcing myself to throw up and i'm tempted to buy diet pills (or at least attempt to) just so i can burn off my weight and stop being looked down upon. i hate my body with every fibre of my being and i want to stop, but due to 15 years of conditioning my self-esteem is incredibly low. i'm not even sure if i want advice as all anyone does is just say to exercise more and eat healthier but i don't do takeout and eat mostly salad and pasta, my mum doesn't help either since she always gets really unhealthy food in for my lunch and refuses to lower my portions but then gets offended if i don't finish my plate and i don't get time to exercise (it's complicated). i hate myself and just wanna get plastic surgery but i can't for the next 3 years.
myeverythingistrash / Sep 15 2019 20.42