Small complaint, big let down.

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  1. Childline Avatar
    Budley / Mar 06 2018 14.26

    It hurts so much to be writing this because i have been wanting to contact childline for so long now about a problem i have and something happened last night which made me make the final decision to get in touch with childline.

    I was nervous but the chat was going well and i went on to explain what happened. the counsellor seemed empathetic and caring. i explained that someone had put their hands around my throat last night and all was going well until the counsellor tried to pin the blame on me, thats how i read it anyway..

    they said ‘im wondering if the ’person’ knew that they was hurting you, did you tell them to stop or get off and did you tell them that it hurt”

    and so to that i replied ‘it wasnt a game, why should i have had to say stop when their hands shouldnt of been there in the first place‘

    the counsellor then went on to say ‘i know it wasnt a game im just wondering if ‘the person’ knew that they were hurting you‘

    I dont mean to complain and be picky but OBVIOUSLY the person knew that it hurt when they had their hands holding my neck tightly. They were CLEARLY trying to cause pain and i was scared.

    maybe im reading it wrong but it sounds as if counsellor is saying that i should of said stop. even if i had they probably wouldnt have stopped. Not that i should have ever been in that situation to begin with. I feel hurt, wont be using the service again sadly. big let down and now have no where to turn.

  2. Childline Avatar
    Budley / Mar 06 2018 15.13

    just like to add that its not possible to speak when being throttled. im still so angry i cant get this off my mind

  3. Reaching out
    Jas-Host / Mar 06 2018 16.47

    Hi Budley,

    We can hear how much you are hurting and how angry you are but we are really glad you felt able to write this. Your feedback and how you feel is very important and we're sorry to hear how let down you feel.

    It can take a lot to decide to get in touch but we want you to feel that you can come to Childline for support. No one ever has the right to hurt you in any way and it's never your fault. When someone is hurting you, you don't have to say anything as it shouldn't be happening.

    We will pass this on for you and while we know it can take a lot to build up trust again, Childline is always here for you. Even if you don't feel able to talk to a counsellor just now, you can always post on the boards and have support of the other young people who make up our community here.

    Take care,

    Jas-Host

  4. Childline Avatar
    Jas-Host / Mar 06 2018 16.47

    Hi Budley,

    We can hear how much you are hurting and how angry you are but we are really glad you felt able to write this. Your feedback and how you feel is very important and we're sorry to hear how let down you feel.

    It can take a lot to decide to get in touch but we want you to feel that you can come to Childline for support. No one ever has the right to hurt you in any way and it's never your fault. When someone is hurting you, you don't have to say anything as it shouldn't be happening.

    We will pass this on for you and while we know it can take a lot to build up trust again, Childline is always here for you. Even if you don't feel able to talk to a counsellor just now, you can always post on the boards and have support of the other young people who make up our community here.

    Take care,

    Jas-Host

    Budley / Mar 06 2018 16.58

    doesnt make it okay though does it.. i thought that talking to a trustworthy adult would help or would even of been wble to point me in the right direction but instead im made to feel like im in the wrong? and youre going to pass this on to who?

    i thought childline was supposed to be on our side and are out to protect us. guess its okay to let one or two slip through the net though, am i wrong?

  5. Reaching out
    Childline-Host / Mar 07 2018 12.11

    Hello Budley

    I can hear you are still feeling upset about what happened and you should not be left feeling you are in the wrong at all, ever, after contacting Childline. We would agree that what happened to you was very serious and the counsellor should have recognised that too. Childline is always on your side and protecting young people is really important to us, we really want to help build that trust again so you do feel able to talk about what happened and get some support with it.

    When Jas said we would look into this for you, this means we do want to find out a bit more about what happened and make sure that no one is ever left feeling a similar way again.

    Whenever we get feedback on the message boards, we pass this on to a team in Childline who will look at your record and the chat to see what went wrong. When they have the information, they will then make sure this feedback gets to the person you spoke to directly so they can see how it made you feel, and hopefully improve how they speak to people in the future. Does that make sense?

    We really want to help you feel supported when you talk to us so I really do hope you will feel able to talk again when you feel ready. How you are feeling now you know that when we get feedback it is always passed on to be looked into, and then passed on to try to improve the service in the future?

    If we can support you with this any further please do let us know, we want you to feel supported and able to talk to us about anything.

    Take care

    Mel-Host

  6. Heart
    GlitterSprinkles / Mar 07 2018 13.42

    Hi there,

    I'm sorry to hear you've had an unpleasant experience at Childline. Sometimes, when something bad happens, it can be difficult when we don't get what we wanted from our chats.

    I don't think the counsellor was trying to say it was your fault, and I don't think they intended to make you feel this way, either. Counsellors are only human and sometimes they may phrase things wrong, just like everyone does sometimes. From reading what you said, I think the counsellor was actually trying to get more information on what happened and was trying to ensure there was no confusion in the situation, or in other words, the person knew what they were doing. They may have phrased it wrong, but I'm sure that's all this was, and not them trying to blame you on the situation, as it most definitely isn't your fault! They may need to know these details for many reasons, such as if you decided to press charges and wanted Childline's help (as they make notes when you speak to Childline).

    Childline work incredibly hard to make sure young people have somewhere to go for help, and are responsible for saving many young people's lives, so please know that a counsellor wouldn't have intentionally upset you and if you ever feel a counsellor has misunderstood or said something you don't like in a chat, you can tell them and explain why.

    Best of luck, I hope you feel able to return to Childline soon. Sometimes everyone has experiences they don't like, but your next one might be a really helpful one.

  7. Childline Avatar
    Budley / Mar 06 2018 14.26

    It hurts so much to be writing this because i have been wanting to contact childline for so long now about a problem i have and something happened last night which made me make the final decision to get in touch with childline.

    I was nervous but the chat was going well and i went on to explain what happened. the counsellor seemed empathetic and caring. i explained that someone had put their hands around my throat last night and all was going well until the counsellor tried to pin the blame on me, thats how i read it anyway..

    they said ‘im wondering if the ’person’ knew that they was hurting you, did you tell them to stop or get off and did you tell them that it hurt”

    and so to that i replied ‘it wasnt a game, why should i have had to say stop when their hands shouldnt of been there in the first place‘

    the counsellor then went on to say ‘i know it wasnt a game im just wondering if ‘the person’ knew that they were hurting you‘

    I dont mean to complain and be picky but OBVIOUSLY the person knew that it hurt when they had their hands holding my neck tightly. They were CLEARLY trying to cause pain and i was scared.

    maybe im reading it wrong but it sounds as if counsellor is saying that i should of said stop. even if i had they probably wouldnt have stopped. Not that i should have ever been in that situation to begin with. I feel hurt, wont be using the service again sadly. big let down and now have no where to turn.

    oneextremetoanother / Mar 07 2018 19.50

    Hello,

    Maybe try and see it from a different perspective. I don't think they were pinning the blame on you. From what you have told us, it isn't your fault but the counsellor was just trying to suggest ways you could have stopped it. They are trying their best! Try not to feel too hurt, we are all here for you.

    Take care,

    Tia

  8. Heart
    Bonnie06 / Mar 08 2018 1.29

    Hello

    I can see that a couple of people have replied to your thread and i know that it was a complaint so you probably dont want to hear this but i just wanted to let you know that we’re always here for you on the boards.

    You clearly already know that what happened to you was out of order. You should never have had to say stop because you should never have had to of been in that situation to begin with. I’m not sure what the counsellor was trying to get at but i honestly dont think that they were trying to blame you. Maybe they werent putting their full focus into the conversation, it happens... i doubt it will happen again.

    I hope that you feel able to contact childline again but if not, we’re here for you on the boards should ever you need or want us to be.

    :)

    bonnie

  9. Childline Avatar
    Childline-Host / Mar 07 2018 12.11

    Hello Budley

    I can hear you are still feeling upset about what happened and you should not be left feeling you are in the wrong at all, ever, after contacting Childline. We would agree that what happened to you was very serious and the counsellor should have recognised that too. Childline is always on your side and protecting young people is really important to us, we really want to help build that trust again so you do feel able to talk about what happened and get some support with it.

    When Jas said we would look into this for you, this means we do want to find out a bit more about what happened and make sure that no one is ever left feeling a similar way again.

    Whenever we get feedback on the message boards, we pass this on to a team in Childline who will look at your record and the chat to see what went wrong. When they have the information, they will then make sure this feedback gets to the person you spoke to directly so they can see how it made you feel, and hopefully improve how they speak to people in the future. Does that make sense?

    We really want to help you feel supported when you talk to us so I really do hope you will feel able to talk again when you feel ready. How you are feeling now you know that when we get feedback it is always passed on to be looked into, and then passed on to try to improve the service in the future?

    If we can support you with this any further please do let us know, we want you to feel supported and able to talk to us about anything.

    Take care

    Mel-Host

    Budley / Mar 08 2018 13.46

    im not angry anymore.

    I guess i was just feeling a little bit attacked. I should never of had to say stop, i should never of had to any thing to stop the situation.

    Now ive calmed down and looked back on the chat the counsellor was overall great but i didnt appreciate what they had said about me telling the person to stop.

    never mind im over it

  10. Reaching out
    Jas-Host / Mar 09 2018 15.21

    Hi Budley,

    We're really glad that you don't feel angry anymore but we really want you to know that it's always ok to say how a chat or even a sentence or word made you feel. Someone hurting you is always wrong and you shouldn't have to say or do anything. Feedback is really important and we pass it on to the counselling team for any young person posting on the boards.

    Thanks for posting again and we hope to see you around the boards anytime you feel able.

    Take care,

    Jas-Host

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