Unsent Letters

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  1. Fixer
    Alphabet15 / Jun 08 2017 19.38

    Hi,

    I have used this idea before and so have started a new thread which I hope others can contribute to.

    The idea is that you write a letter to someone telling them something that you feel you need to say. You never need to send it, but it is an opportunity to get it off your chest. It can even act as a practice for things you want to say.

    Please feel free to post whenever, and ask for advice if need be- it would be great to make this a community idea as well. I will probably post relatively frequently, but dont let that dissuade you from sharing.

    Fleur xox

  2. Headphones
    Nialler13 / Jun 08 2017 23.08

    Thanks Fleur,

    I just want to say that this is a very good idea before I start.

    Why did you have to remind me of my faults?

    I am fed up, confused and worried.

    What if it happens again?

    I always used to think that I was never going to get bullied.

    I guess I was proved wrong.

    You taught me how to be sad.

    It has been a year since the emails stopped.

    But I still can't get over it.

    But I don't deserve this.

    I will fight on,

    Not for you but for me.

    Thanks for making this, Fleur.

    Take care, Niall

  3. Headphones
    Alphabet15 / Jun 08 2017 19.38

    Hi,

    I have used this idea before and so have started a new thread which I hope others can contribute to.

    The idea is that you write a letter to someone telling them something that you feel you need to say. You never need to send it, but it is an opportunity to get it off your chest. It can even act as a practice for things you want to say.

    Please feel free to post whenever, and ask for advice if need be- it would be great to make this a community idea as well. I will probably post relatively frequently, but dont let that dissuade you from sharing.

    Fleur xox

    LouisaL / Jun 09 2017 15.31

    Hi this is such a good idea I've never tried it but I'm going to give it a go!

    im sorry for not being the friend you deserve or someone you deserve to be around. You deserve better. I know I'm not good enough and I'm sorry for that. You do so much for me and I don't think I've done enough. I don't know what to do. you help me through everything but It seems like I'm always the one your worried about. Even though you say your always here and that you want to be friends and you want to talk I just feel so bad! I know I'm the pathetic person everyone says I am even though you say I'm not. I'm sorry for not being a good enough friend. One day I'll send this to you hoping youll understand speak soon

    Louisa

  4. Fixer
    Alphabet15 / Jun 09 2017 19.14

    Just a note: I do use different names to differentiate between different people. All names are false and some I will write to more frequently than others. Lauren is one of my tecahers.

    Dear Lauren,

    You have been so sweet today and I am now really proud that I did give you that letter thanking you (sorry- I didnt mean to nearly make you cry, bless you!) It was all entirely genuine and I am happy that I had the opportunity to give it to you. I chose to do it now because I dont really know after the next week or so when I will be in, which sort of leads on to the point of this letter.

    Aside from not knowing quite what to do with myself after exams, I am becoming increasingly aware of some things, for example that I actually promised Ms F (deputy head) that I would go to the gp. There are a few problems with that.

    Firstly, the very practical side of things. Im almost 16 and I dont know how to set up a drs appointment. I can probably work it out, but its that sort of thing which is insanely stressful. And also, the fact that there are only a few weeks of school left, for which I might not even be around. I couls, technicall, go whenever, but whilst I dont want you or Elodie (form tutor) or Ms F to come (because of parents!) I would like to be able to see you before or after.

    That links to the second point. You saw what seeing even just the school dr did to me- intensly stressful experience. Im not sure I still want to go, and actually I dont think I want to go behind my parents back. Yet I dont want to tell them.

    I really dont know whats going on now and its so stupid Im stressing about this instead of exams. Well, not instead, at the same time. I almost wish we could all meet and make a plan next week to give me some security. Im just anxious (surprise!)

    Fleur

  5. Fixer
    Alphabet15 / Jun 12 2017 21.04

    (Cate is the school counsellor I see)

    Dear Cate,

    Today was hard, but I knew it was going to be. I was joking with Lauren this morning that today should just have a big red warning lable saying destined for disaster on it. She agreed.

    But actually, it may have been hard, but I did it. I gave you that letter and I told you what I had been trying to avoid for so long. I told you the hurtful things my mum told me with regard to self harm. And that has helped me. Like I said, I have forgiven her. But maybe Ive come to realise that its okay to feel angry too?

    The hardest part was when you then turned to focus on self harm. I think you realised it wasnt completely gone. I told you it was mentally still a problem, but physically I cant talk about. It was hard to have such an honest conversation about it. I wanted to run out the room. I didnt. I stayed there. I did run after. I needed to get out. And bless my friend, she came with me to keep me sane and/or safe. Im starting to become calmer now. But I wish I could explain how much it hurt to talk about these things and how far from recovering I really feel. It was the first time Ive honestly seen you completely understand and empathise with how hard things can be. You seemed so personally caring instead of professionally. It almost unnerved me.

    Fleur

  6. Fixer
    Alphabet15 / Jun 12 2017 21.17

    Dear friend,

    Im so grateful to you for everything. There have been a lot of difficult things recently, but you have always been there. We've been friends for years, since we were 4. Gosh, remember those days when we were so young and didnt have a care in the world? I miss them. I really do. I hate how I am at the moment, but I am coming to learn that maybe Id be missing out on the good stuff if the bad wasnt there. There are still exciting things. Im excited for a-levels and learning more about my subjects. Im excited for university. To read Classics and study ancient literature and the whole amazing ancient world. Or English and study any literature I can. To apply for Oxford. To grow up. I know you feel the same, except about Medicine. We couldnt do that when we were 4.

    Anyway, that was a tangent, albeit a good, positive one. Im so grateful for you looking after me today. Enforced relaxation. You let me walk and rant and think and I appreciate that. But most of all, for offering to see a dr with me. I remember you being so worried at how upset I was seeing the school dr. So I will be grateful for you coming. I am nervous (thats if I ever get that far!) Mainly because I dont know whether to tell my parents or not. I feel damned if I do and damned if I dont really. If I do, I wont be as honest with the dr, but if I dont theyll be angry when they find out. They always find out. But Im almost 16 now. Surely I have the right to decide myself?

    So now your task, should you chose to accept it :P, is to get me through the drs door. After that who knows! But on a serious note, thank you so much. Im always going to be grateful for your support and Im always here for you too.

    Fleur xox

  7. Chef
    ChefJoseph / Jun 19 2017 7.51

    Right so i've never done this sorta thing before but i think that i'll give it a go

    Sorry i can't do better, i truly wish i could because all you do is give and you never expect anything in return no matter how much you're hurting. I wish there was more i could do and that i could help better. It saddens me the way you describe yourself because you are the sweetest and kindest person i've ever met. I always feel like i could have done better and that i'm not a good enough friend. And i'm sorry for not being able to help enough, i really wish i could do more because all i want is for you to be happy and to not feel upset because you truly underestimate how much of a great and amazing person you are

    Joseph xox

  8. Headphones
    ChefJoseph / Jun 19 2017 7.51

    Right so i've never done this sorta thing before but i think that i'll give it a go

    Sorry i can't do better, i truly wish i could because all you do is give and you never expect anything in return no matter how much you're hurting. I wish there was more i could do and that i could help better. It saddens me the way you describe yourself because you are the sweetest and kindest person i've ever met. I always feel like i could have done better and that i'm not a good enough friend. And i'm sorry for not being able to help enough, i really wish i could do more because all i want is for you to be happy and to not feel upset because you truly underestimate how much of a great and amazing person you are

    Joseph xox

    LouisaL / Jun 19 2017 15.23

    sorry im not enough. Sorry I'll never be enough! Sorry I can't be a friend that you want to see! Sorry I don't help enough! Sorry you give so much to me and I dont give enough! You really matter to me and I want to see you soon your one of my bestest friends but i don't think you label us like that! I'm just sorry you ever decided to talk to me!

    (ChefJoesph I quoted this as I feel exactly the same and your not alone)

    louisa xox

  9. Chef
    LouisaL / Jun 19 2017 15.23

    sorry im not enough. Sorry I'll never be enough! Sorry I can't be a friend that you want to see! Sorry I don't help enough! Sorry you give so much to me and I dont give enough! You really matter to me and I want to see you soon your one of my bestest friends but i don't think you label us like that! I'm just sorry you ever decided to talk to me!

    (ChefJoesph I quoted this as I feel exactly the same and your not alone)

    louisa xox

    ChefJoseph / Jun 19 2017 16.18

    don't say that, you are more than enough and you're an amazing person. And don't feel sorry for thinking you don't help enough because you help soo much which is more than enough. also you do give enough, you are a kind-hearted, amazing person and i wouldn't ask for anything more. You really matter to me too and you're also one of my bestest friends who i would want to see .

    As well as this don't ever be sorry that i ever decided to talk to you because you are the most caring, loving, amazing, trustworthy, kindhearted, intelligent person i have ever talked to and i don't ever regret deciding to talk to you

    Joseph xox

  10. Headphones
    ChefJoseph / Jun 19 2017 16.18

    don't say that, you are more than enough and you're an amazing person. And don't feel sorry for thinking you don't help enough because you help soo much which is more than enough. also you do give enough, you are a kind-hearted, amazing person and i wouldn't ask for anything more. You really matter to me too and you're also one of my bestest friends who i would want to see .

    As well as this don't ever be sorry that i ever decided to talk to you because you are the most caring, loving, amazing, trustworthy, kindhearted, intelligent person i have ever talked to and i don't ever regret deciding to talk to you

    Joseph xox

    LouisaL / Jun 19 2017 16.31

    Thankyou this means a lot

    louisa xox

  11. Fixer
    Alphabet15 / Jun 19 2017 20.52

    Dear Ms F,

    I havent really seen you for a while (that should probably be a good thing to be honest!) So I was mildly surprised, to say the very least, that you sent an email asking for my parents to come in for a catch up. I do now genuinely think it is a catch up (thank you Lauren for keeping me vaguely sane this afternoon) but am still really anxious- mainly about if I am coming or not.

    My parents are guessing just a check in before end of summer term (as, sort of, am I). I am just very aware that I spoke to Elodie earlier today and said I was thinking about going to my GP at some point but didn't want to tell my parents and she said she'd tell you and let me know how we were going forward (in brief). So this is me freaking out that somewhere that's not entirely gone to plan. I trust you but I also find it really difficult to. I suppose there is nothing I can do, Im just angry you didnt tell me first. Unfortunately, you are the one with the control in the situation here so I cant do anything.

    I want you to understand what not telling my parents will mean- it will mean I can be honest with the gp, that I can feel comfortable. Surely if I have the right to see a gp on my own, I have the right for you to not tell anyone Im going?

    Fleur

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