My abuse doesn't feel bad enough?

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  1. Childline Avatar
    blue-haired-dyslexic / Nov 07 2016 20.30

    I was sexually abused as a child, it was online. I was forced by a man on the internet to preform multipal sexual acts, I was aware of what I was doing but I didn't want to. I only did them because he told me if I didn't, he'd kill my parents. He made me show him parts of my body on web cam and do other stuff, I started doing it more and more often because he said if you don't I'll send pictures of what you've done to your parents and hack your account and send them to all your friends. He forced me to do it, without a doubt, but I know a lot of people have had much worse things happen to them, and though I know this doesn't mean what happened to me wasn't still a life changing thing that shouldn't have happened but I constantly feel like I'm over reacting. I get flash backs, and I've been so ashamed of my body that I've had some really severe problems with self-harm that's put me in hospital more than once, but even then I feel like what happened to me wasn't bad enough to merit what it caused, or to merit the term sexual abuse.

    Am I alone in this?

  2. Outcast
    cooldancer-1 / Nov 23 2016 13.47

    What that man did is completely unacceptable and you should tell the police or social services. Ignore the threats, he doesn't know where you live so its ok.

  3. Heart
    blue-haired-dyslexic / Nov 07 2016 20.30

    I was sexually abused as a child, it was online. I was forced by a man on the internet to preform multipal sexual acts, I was aware of what I was doing but I didn't want to. I only did them because he told me if I didn't, he'd kill my parents. He made me show him parts of my body on web cam and do other stuff, I started doing it more and more often because he said if you don't I'll send pictures of what you've done to your parents and hack your account and send them to all your friends. He forced me to do it, without a doubt, but I know a lot of people have had much worse things happen to them, and though I know this doesn't mean what happened to me wasn't still a life changing thing that shouldn't have happened but I constantly feel like I'm over reacting. I get flash backs, and I've been so ashamed of my body that I've had some really severe problems with self-harm that's put me in hospital more than once, but even then I feel like what happened to me wasn't bad enough to merit what it caused, or to merit the term sexual abuse.

    Am I alone in this?

    xlarax / Dec 07 2016 20.27

    What that man did was completely unacceptable and u should never compare your experiances to someone else's because what u went through is very wrong, i completely understand how you are feeling (like over reacting, when I was younger I sort of went through the same thing although mine was not online and I have blocked out almost all memory of it as it happened when I was 7-8. Mine was only sort of a 1 time thing though and I haven't been able to talk about it till now because I always though it wasn't bad enough because i don't think it counts as 'rape' but just know you are not alone and anything that upsets u or makes u want to hurt yourself is never 'not bad enough' that is definitely worth being upset about and although other people have been through worse u must know u r never alone and there are many people out there just like you, if the abuse is still going on i would advise u to talk to someone, whoever this person is he is obviously weak and very messed up, I don't believe he would hurt your parents but he has been hurting u and he will get severely punished for this, also if this man did this to you he is most likely doing it to others and you have been so brave talking about it am very proud of you, and know there will always be help and support here at childline xx also if you are worried about flash backs/mental health there is a lot of support and help you can get by talking to people about how you are feeling

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