Very often, I find myself having an overwhelming feeling of sadness and no matter what i do to try and stop it, i burst into tears. It is mostly when I am alone and at night but occasionaly at school and my guidance teacher made me come to his office every day for a month to make sure i was ok but i lied to him. I told him i was feeling happier when really it was getting worse because i dont want anyone to know and to judge me. I have stopped going out, i feel ugly and stupid and as if i have no talent what so ever. I'm even shutting myself away from my best friend, who i probably wouldn't even be alive without. I love her, but i'm scared she'll realise one day that i'm acting weird and making myself an outcast and leave me. Then who will i have? I'm not feeling suicidal anymore, but i do have cravings to get drunk, smoke and even sometimes to get high. I don't want to feel this way anymore, Sam. Please, please help me.
Sam
Hello,
Im really pleased that you decided to write to me about your overwhelming feelings of sadness. Asking for help is the first step in changing what things are like for you at the moment. When youre feeling really sad, it can seem like things are only going to get worse. That can become a bit of a vicious cycle, especially when you begin to shut yourself away from other people, and stop doing things in your life that you used to enjoy. But feeling sad often makes us see life inaccurately, and stops us from realising its still possible for things to improve.
There can be many reasons why people might be experience overwhelming feelings of sadness. There may be things in their lives that arent working well or they may have experienced a loss of some kind. It might be that lots of little things have built up over time. In some cases, there could be a medical reason, like depression for feelings of sadness that last for a long time. Alcohol and drugs can also cause people to feel even more down in the long run, so its important to try and find less harmful ways of coping.
Whatever the reason and however hopeless things seem, there will be a way to make some positive changes, even if you have to start with really small steps.
Its not easy to try and deal with feelings like this on your own. I can hear that you dont want to be judged, or have other people finding out about your personal problems and feelings. When you feel negative about yourself, its easy to assume other people are going to think badly of you, but thats often not true. It sounds like your guidance teacher is someone who has already shown you that he wants to help. What do you think it would be like to take a chance and share some of your real feelings with him now? You could start by showing him this letter if it feels too hard to say it out loud. You might also want to share it with your friend. She sounds like someone who really cares about you, which means she shouldnt judge you for feeling sad.
Talking to a ChildLine counsellor could be another way for you to get some support. It would be confidential unless your life was in immediate danger. If you dont feel ready to talk directly to someone over the phone, you could begin by using the 1-2-1 chat online, or sending an email.
I do hope that you get some support soon. You deserve it. I wish you well in whatever you do next.
Take care,
Sam.
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