Need help straight away?
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Hi Alice
I can hear that youve been feeling really bad about yourself and it sounds like youre trying to cope with so much. That seems as though its a lot to try and deal with on your own. If youve been diagnosed with the conditions you mentioned, your doctor will already be aware of some of things that youre coping with, but it can still help to let the doctor know that its difficult for you and that youd like some support. Perhaps you could think about going to your doctor to get some more help.
You explained that your stepdad hates gay people and youre not sure how your mom feels about it. Im concerned to hear that your stepdad has expressed those sorts of views. You also mentioned that you feel he hates you. It isnt okay for you to feel hated in your own home. Your parents (and any step-parents) have a responsibility to take good care of you and make sure you have everything you need. This includes feeling cared about.
Bullying is never okay and you deserve help so that you can be safe from it. If its happening at school, remember that you can let a trusted adult know about it. If you dont feel ready to do that you could think about keeping a bullying record of everything thats happening so that you can show it to somebody when you feel its the right time. Bullying can make you believe bad things about yourself and can make you feel very alone, but it doesnt mean that those bad things are true.
To fight against the bad thoughts and feelings the bullying is causing, it could help to make some affirmations. These are good messages for yourself. Think about all the good points about yourself, then write them down. Think about where you can put the affirmations so that youre reminded of all the good things as much as possible. When youre feeling bad about yourself it can be hard to think about good things to do with yourself, but I can start you off with one you could use: I found the courage to speak out about my feelings You have done that by writing your letter to me. You can take a look at our message boards where other people share positive stuff.
Nobody has the right to hurt you in any way and what your step-brother did to you was very wrong. You deserve to be safe. It would be very wrong of your step-dad to blame you for your step-brothers behaviour. Being raped can leave you with painful thoughts, feelings and memories, so please remember that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor as it is really important to get the right help and support.
Im concerned that youve been feeling suicidal. If you ever feel that youre in danger of acting on suicidal feelings, you can get urgent help by going to your nearest hospital or doctors surgery. You can also contact ChildLine or call 999 for emergency help. Youve talked about some important things youre going through and Im really glad that you felt able to get in touch.
Please remember that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor. You might also find it helpful to connect with other young people going through similar issues, by taking a look at the message boards.
Im really glad that you got in touch. I hope that you get the support you need.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.