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To Sam

Um Hi.... I need help, lots of it.

Hi Sam.... um I have a few problems, first of all im a 14 year old girl. Lets say my name is Alice (Not my real name). I start my first day of highschool in about 2 weeks. Im terrified. Also... Im Bi-sexual. I have told about 2 of my friends and my counsler. But I still would like your help. My step dad hates Gays... and he already pretty much hates me. My mom just had a new baby, so shes stressed over that. I dont know what she feels about LGBT.... but Im scared she wont accept me. I was raped by my step-brother about 4 years ago, and im still upset over that. I think my step dad blames me. I have Anxiety, AHDH, OCD, ODD, Anger Issues, and lots of other things. I was suicidal 2 years ago and I self harmed last year. I dont think I fit in anywhere. I think im fat, and im bullied alot. I act really weird so I dont show how upset I am or so I dont become mean. But almost no one likes me in school. I just really hope that you respond so I know I havent been forgotten and ignored by the whole world. Sorry this is so long. But this is only a crack into the things going on in my life right now. Thanks in advance Sam. 
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi Alice

I can hear that you’ve been feeling really bad about yourself and it sounds like you’re trying to cope with so much. That seems as though it’s a lot to try and deal with on your own. If you’ve been diagnosed with the conditions you mentioned, your doctor will already be aware of some of things that you’re coping with, but it can still help to let the doctor know that it’s difficult for you and that you’d like some support.  Perhaps you could think about going to your doctor to get some more help. 

You explained that your stepdad hates gay people and you’re not sure how your mom feels about it. I’m concerned to hear that your stepdad has expressed those sorts of views. You also mentioned that you feel he hates you. It isn’t okay for you to feel hated in your own home. Your parents (and any step-parents) have a responsibility to take good care of you and make sure you have everything you need. This includes feeling cared about.

Bullying is never okay and you deserve help so that you can be safe from it. If it’s happening at school, remember that you can let a trusted adult know about it. If you don’t feel ready to do that you could think about keeping a bullying record of everything that’s happening so that you can show it to somebody when you feel it’s the right time. Bullying can make you believe bad things about yourself and can make you feel very alone, but it doesn’t mean that those bad things are true. 

To fight against the bad thoughts and feelings the bullying is causing, it could help to make some affirmations. These are good messages for yourself. Think about all the good points about yourself, then write them down. Think about where you can put the affirmations so that you’re reminded of all the good things as much as possible. When you’re feeling bad about yourself it can be hard to think about good things to do with yourself, but I can start you off with one you could use: “I found the courage to speak out about my feelings” You have done that by writing your letter to me. You can take a look at our message boards where other people share positive stuff.

Nobody has the right to hurt you in any way and what your step-brother did to you was very wrong. You deserve to be safe. It would be very wrong of your step-dad to blame you for your step-brother’s behaviour. Being raped can leave you with painful thoughts, feelings and memories, so please remember that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor as it is really important to get the right help and support.

I’m concerned that you’ve been feeling suicidal. If you ever feel that you’re in danger of acting on suicidal feelings, you can get urgent help by going to your nearest hospital or doctor’s surgery. You can also contact ChildLine or call 999 for emergency help. You’ve talked about some important things you’re going through and I’m really glad that you felt able to get in touch. 

Please remember that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor. You might also find it helpful to connect with other young people going through similar issues, by taking a look at the message boards.

I’m really glad that you got in touch.  I hope that you get the support you need.

Take care,
Sam

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