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Asker

To Sam

Stay put or die

I've felt really depressed and lonely for a long time, probably around a few years but recently its got worse and its interfering with my exams, friendships and everyday life. Everyday at school i get bullied and picked on even though i can cope with that; but my parents are close to splitting up and my friends treat me with little respect and leave me out alot even when they say yes to me asking to be with them. I am very quiet which means that i am usually stuck in thinking a lot and being stuck with horrible thoughts that i can't stop thinking about.

I've tried running away and trying other methods to stop it all but i can't bring myself to do it; i know it sounds pathetic but im struggling to cope and i don't know what to do anymore...I am nearly permantly depressed and in the dumps and can't bring myself out of it without either crying for a while or just trying to put it at the back of my mind that usually ends up in it being even worse.

At school i stary away from my friendship group and just hang around with myself or a few people i know but tend to stay out of the way and try not to be 'different'...I also have sexual orientation issues too ontop of it all of which makes it harder to talk to others without my mind just being sidetracked and just ending up saying the wrong things which make it all worse again :(

Please help me...

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there

Thanks for sending in your letter and telling me how you have been feeling. It seems from your letter that you have lots going on both at home and at school and I'm really glad you decided to write.

Feeling depressed can be very confusing and you said it's affecting how you feel about yourself and important parts of your life like exams and friendships.  It sounds as if your friends haven’t been very supportive and you spend time alone at school.  It can be disappointing when friends make you feel they don't care, especially when you would like to talk to someone but at times find it’s difficult to know what to say.  It might be helpful to look at your friendships and write down what you give to your friends and what you get back in return.  Sometimes people find they have lots of qualities that make them a good friend, but they don't find that in the other person.  Then you might have to make a decision about whether you want to continue with a friendship or what might need to change to make it more supportive for you.

You also say that you have been experiencing bullying at school.  Even though you feel you’re coping, no-one deserves to be treated in this way by anyone and I would encourage you to think about talking to someone at school that you trust and asking for some support.

I would be concerned that you have considered running away and I’m not sure what you mean when you say ‘other methods’?  I would like you to think about safer ways of coping with your feelings. You might feel like running away but it wouldn't be an answer for some of the issues you're facing.  I would want you to be safe and not put yourself at risk of any harm.  At times when you're feeling lonely and your thoughts are very low; would you think about talking to someone at ChildLine?  I'm not sure if you're able to spend anytime reading, listening to music or maybe going for a walk? Sometimes they can help to distract you from your own thoughts and give you something more positive to focus on.  Don’t feel you have to cope with issues like your parents splitting up or your sexual orientation by yourself.  Talking to someone about how you’re feeling and what’s happening with family and friends can be the first step to knowing that you’re not alone and someone else does care about you.

You might also like to consider getting some extra support from a ChildLine counsellor either through 1-2-1 online chat or by sending an email. You can also call free on 0800 1111. It can be useful sometimes to have a look at the Message Board on our website too, as it often has messages from other young people who have often had similar experiences.

Take care

Sam

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