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Asker

To Sam

should i be upset

 which of these things is it ok to be upset over
1) if u have someone and you think they are your friend but then one day they try and attack you... they only dont manage to hit you because someone is holding them back
2) if you are in year 9 and two boys in your year touch you.. even though its over clothes and they block you into a corner and laugh and make comments at you
3) if ur dad gets really angry a lot and then he was always shouting and he grabbed you by the throat ETC  and he always made you apologise for every single thing and he refuse to see you at christmas and then doesnt see you in over a year... then suddenly he turns up and starts talking like its you stopping us seeing each other
4) if u are in a confusing relatinship and this guy says  he would like you more if you lost weight and that boys only like u as a joke and sometimes he is really nice and other times its confusing if he pressures you to have sex
and how long can you be upset about these things for and how can you stop being upset about it
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. It sounds like you are having a difficult time with lots of things at the moment. 

It's really good that you could come on here and talk about what’s happening. Sometimes just telling someone else is the first step. I can hear how upset you are and you ask which issue is it ok to be upset over. Well I believe it's ok to feel upset about every issue that you've told me about.

From your letter it sounds like it was a shock for you when a person you have thought of as a friend tried to attack you. Unfortunately there are people that think being violent like that is okay, when in fact it’s actually a form of bullying. Bullies often don't think about how their behaviour affects others but that doesn't make it ok. Someone trying to attack you is wrong and you have the right to be safe.

You also talk about two boys touching you and blocking you into a corner while laughing and making comments. No one has the right to touch you without your consent and the fact that it is over your clothes doesn’t change this. What these boys are doing could be called sexual abuse and they can get in very serious trouble for this. While you are in school you should be safe and protected by staff, as your school has a duty to protect you and keep you safe.

It also seems that your relationship with your Dad is not great. You say he gets angry and used to shout a lot and has grabbed you by the throat. No parent should hurt you in anyway and in fact it is against the law. It sounds like you hadn’t seen him for a while but he has recently come back into your life. I’m wondering what that’s like for you. If at any time you feel unsafe when you are with your Dad you should dial 999 and get some help.

You also mention your boyfriend who says some really horrible things about how he would like you more if you lost weight and then sometimes he can be nice which is confusing for you. You also say that he can pressure you into sex. No one has the right to pressure you into doing anything you do not feel comfortable with, even if he is your boyfriend. It’s really important that you only have sex if it’s something you both mutually want to happen.

You ask how long it is ok to feel upset about these things and how you can stop. I’m afraid I can’t answer that because it can take time to work through hard times and painful emotions and feelings. You have been really brave telling me about what’s happening and you've done really well to make the first big step in trying to work through these issues.

For things to get better its important to think about telling someone you trust perhaps a relative or teacher. It might be that it's too much to think about talking about everything that’s going on so maybe you could think about what’s the most important thing and start with that first. Maybe you could also put your message up on the ChildLine message board and get some advice from other young people who might be going through similar situations. You might also want to talk to a ChildLine counsellor. They are available 24/7 either by phone on 0800 1111 or online in a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care and be safe,

Sam

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