Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Self harm, suicidal thoughts and bullying

I self harm and I don't know how to tell my mum, to try and see what she will say I say to her that a girl at school self harms and tell her how I feel about it but she says although it's a cry for help it's stupid because when she gets older scars will be there forever.
im only 13 and she  prides herself in our relationship of I can tell her anything and I can to a degree but this is different and I know if I tell her she will blame herself and still think what I do I stupid but I can't help it.
i self harm because my mum and dad are separated they separated when I was 2yrs old and I see my dad every so often but I wish I didn't have to he is nasty to me and hits me real bad,so does my uncle, who I see when I see my dad but my uncle touches me to and being a young girl it scares me.
also I have social angxiety and get anxious to go to sleep and school because whenever I sleep I have a nightmare and whenever I go to school I get bullied because I get called emo and goth for the music a like, I also get called fat not that I am really skinny but when it's everyday it gets me down and I take it to heart which I know I shouldn't do but I can't help it.
finally is also don't eat properly I rarely eat and whenever I do I throw it up, I've tried to kill myself and overdose on pills I'm very suicidal and no one knows I don't know how to tell people I can't tell family and the friends I do have aren't interested as they always try to leave me out. I need help but I have no one to turn to.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your letter to me. I can hear that you have lots of difficult things going on right now. You want to get support but you are not sure how or where to go to.  You have done the right thing by writing to me so we can talk this through some more.

I firstly want to say that I am concerned to hear that you have overdosed on pills and that you are feeling very suicidal. Well done for having the courage to tell me as I can hear you are finding it really hard to tell anyone else. It is really dangerous to take lots of pills and you could quite easily end up damaging your body very badly. If you ever feel like you might take pills again please contact an ambulance on 999 or come through to talk to a Childline counsellor. They will help you to find a way to cope and keep safe. I can hear that right now you are finding it difficult to tell anyone about these feelings, but you do not have to go through this alone. Childline is here to support you.

It sounds like you’re self-harming to cope with some difficult and confusing feelings. You say you want to tell your mum about the self-harm but I can hear that you’re worried about what her reaction might be. It was a good idea to test out your mum’s reaction like you have done. If you did decide to tell her about you self-harming, perhaps it would good to let her know much thought you’ve put into telling her and how much you value your relationship. 

There are lots of different ways to tell your mum. You could talk to her or you could write her a letter or email. Writing a letter may give her time to think about what you’ve said and not react in a way that she may later regret. You might find it useful to look at the information we have about asking an adult for help.

You also mentioned that you are self-harming because when you see your dad he is nasty to you and hits you. I can hear this is making you not want to see him which is completely understandable. It also sounds like your uncle is hitting you and touching you in a way that makes you feel scared. These sounds like difficult things to cope with. It’s important to know that it is not okay for your dad or uncle to hit you or be nasty to you. I’m concerned to hear you uncle is touching you in this way. It is not okay for anyone to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. It sounds like no one else knows about what’s been happening and how it’s making you feel.  Perhaps you could also tell your mum about this so she can help you. I can understand that this may be a difficult thing to do, so if you need to talk through this some more, a Childline counsellor will be able to help you.    

You have also told me that you’re being bullied at school. Being bullied can sometimes make people feel anxious when they are around people in general, in case they are also nasty. I can also hear that it impacts on how well you sleep. It is not okay for anyone to bully you no matter who you are, what you look like or what your interests or music tastes are.

Being bullied can have a big effect on how someone feels about themselves, no matter how hard they try to fight it. This means it’s important that you get support as it can be difficult to not let what people say affect how you feel. You could talk to a teacher you trust about what’s happening as it is their job to stop bullying. I know that this may be a hard thing to do and you may be worried about doing this. You can talk to a Childline counsellor about this and they can help you to find a way to get support and stop this from happening.      

From what you have said in your email I can hear you have lots of different things going on and that you feel overwhelmed right now. Contacting me was a really important first step and I hope you found the information useful. However I can hear that there is much more that you need support on. I hope that you will come through and talk to a Childline counsellor to get the support that you deserve. You can do this is a number of ways - either calling free on 0800 1111, or on a 1-2-1 chat online or send them an email through the ChildLine site. 

Take care,

Need help straight away?

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