Note: We have changed a few words in this letter but the meaning has not changed.
My name is M*, I am struggling through difficulties of my own at the moment. I have harmed myself recently all up one of my arms and i started on the other wrist a little while ago. I have been seeing a councillor and things get better, and then they get worse again and it keeps happening like that. I have been bullied, my parents are going through the process of a divorce and my nan (who i was really close to) recently passed away. I had hit rock bottom. I felt worthless and I often thought and still sometimes think that the world would be better off wiithout me. I thought and still think that me self harming makes people around me and people that dont like me happy and pleased. With councilling sessions i believe i am slowly recovering but i also believe that nobody can be healed and recovered straight away without going back. It annoys me when people say, "well she has had a councilling session so she should be fine." I really wish that other people were aware the physical, mental and emotional damage that self harm causes people like me and that it is not a joke and we do not do it for attention because that is NOT the case. I am pleased that i have stopped harming myself as much as i used to and i have a desire to make a change! I am only 12 nearly 13 years old so what could i do to help? many thanks M* xxx
Sam
Hi M*,
Thanks for your letter.
Its been really brave of you to share what youve gone through, how youve felt and also how youve coped.
Its really good that youre getting some support through a counsellor. Its great that you realise that recovery is slow and that while you may be taking steps forward there can also be steps backwards along the way. That is all part of the recovery process.
I can hear your frustration that other people arent aware of the bigger picture or the impact of self-harm. Perhaps other people sometimes think that seeing a counsellor is some kind of fast cure. It sounds like they just arent aware of this being part of a slow journey. At ChildLine we understand that self-harm is not a joke and not done for attention. Self-harm can impact each person in many different ways. Other young people have told us that people self-harm for many different reasons and get help stopping in different ways.
Its so good that you are able to be proud of yourself for what you have managed to achieve. I can hear that you feel ready to change and want help to do this. Youll find lots of useful information on our self-harm page.
You might also find it helpful to talk to one of the counsellors at ChildLine who would be able to support you with this.
Counsellors at ChildLine talk to many young people about self-harming. They can support you with the impact it has on you and how you'd like things to change. You can ring them for free on 0800 1111, you can log on and have 1-2-1 chat or you can send an email. You might also like to read what other young people have written on the message boards about their experiences with self-harm, how they have coped and what they did to stop.
Take care, Sam
Need help straight away?
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Ask me a question
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
