Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I self harm + a load of other mental issues. But the other day my mum bought me some bio-oil to help get rid of my scars. Im still cutting so i can't use it yet cuz i cant put it in broken skin. But  if i stop cutting i dont want do get rid of my scars. It kind of feels like they are a part of me that i cant get rid of. Memories. But even if they hold bad memories if i get through this it will be a reminder that i could get throught it. Also i quite like them and i don't know why. I also don't know how to tell my mum i don't want to get rid of my scars.

Please could you help me on why i like my scars so much and why i feel so close to them. Also i dont know what to do with the bio-oil should i keep it or give it back to my mum because it was quite expensive

Ask Sam


Hi and thanks for your letter.

From what you have told me about your mum buying you the bio-oil, it seems she knows that you self-harm. I think it's good that you are able to tell her. 

You have been very honest when you say that you like your scars and feel close to them, and I think that is really admirable. They are part of you and perhaps you feel they tell a story of the difficulties you have been through. Each scar represents something to you and getting rid of them feels like you will be getting rid of a part of yourself.  

Your letter suggests to me that you have thought about this a lot and that your scars are part of who you are. Who you are is very important. All the good bits and all the difficult bits come together to make a whole person. I wonder if you could think about telling your mum this. You have done so well explaining it to me and it is clearly very important to you. Your mum may not have any idea about how you feel and it will be an opportunity for you both to understand each other’s feelings.

Talking to your mum would also give you the opportunity to tell her that you appreciate she was trying to help you and buying you the oil was very generous, but at this moment in time you do not want to use it. 

I hope this letter had helped. Remember ChildLine is always here for you to talk over your problems if you need to. You can call on 0800 1111, send an email or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,

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