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To Sam

please can I have some advice

I can't deal with it anymore.I have really bad anger issues and it is getting out of control.I scare my 9 year old sister,I hit my parents and I run out of the house.I have thought about self harming before and have a friend that used to do it.I just need some advice right now.
Ask Sam



Thank you for your letter.

Anger is a normal and healthy emotion to feel. People can express this in lots of different ways. Feeling angry is often a way of someone protecting themselves from danger or from feeling hurt. It’s not wrong to feel angry, but it is wrong to take this anger out on another person and to hit them.

If your anger feels out of control, there are things that might help control your feelings in the heat of the moment. For example, when you feel yourself starting to get angry, put some physical space between you and the people you feel angry with. Walk out of the room or take a few steps backwards – it can help to calm the situation and give you time to think.

Other techniques such as stopping and counting to ten or slow and deep breathing could also work for you. Our Anger page gives some more coping strategies.

Feelings that are kept bottled inside can build up until they feel too overwhelming to cope with. Talking through your feelings can help you to get more of an understanding of what things make you angry. It might help to keep a diary of your feelings so that it can help you to see if certain things keep making you angry. That way you can feel more in control of your feelings before they build up and turn into anger.

There are ways of coping with anger that can be damaging or harmful to ourselves – such as self-harming. Safer and healthier ways of expressing anger can involve exercising and doing something creative or that you feel passionate about.

Struggling to cope with anger can also come with feelings of isolation or loneliness. Feeling angry doesn’t mean that you want to hurt others. It might help to let the people you care about know how much you’re struggling so they know this is something you’re trying to get support with.

You can talk this through anytime with a ChildLine Counsellor by calling 0800 1111 (free from any phone), 1-2-1 online chat, or by emailing.

It takes courage and self-awareness to recognise you need support, so getting in contact is a real positive step.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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