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Hi there,
Thanks for your letter.
It sounds like things have been really difficult at home for a while. It seems that your sister has been going through tough times, and this has affected everyone else at home too. However I can also hear how much you care about your sister and want to help her where you can - your sister is lucky to have you.
Youve said how much you want to help your sister and I understand it can be very frustrating not to be able to help when you feel its really needed. It sounds like you and your sister are very different and that you can see that having a tidy room would help her enormously. It can be hard to understand someone being okay with something that you would never be okay with. Strangely, when people are so different, trying to push someone to do something your way can make them do it their way even more.
It is really great that you want to help your sister and its really nice to offer that help. However, once youve made the offer its then up to your sister if she wants to accept your help and its also important to respect her decision about her own room.
Another approach to helping might be to ask your sister what help she needs, as she may have her own ideas and you could help her with those. Perhaps your sister would like a tidy and organised room but it just doesnt feel achievable. Maybe youd be able to help her organise it and think of ways to keep it tidy like making a list of things to do, tidying one area at a time or listening to music while tidying. Remember that she might still decide not to do this and perhaps shed like your help with something else.
As I said at the start of this letter, it sounds like youve all had a tough time supporting your sister. It can be really hard watching someone you care about go through difficult times which can impact on you as well.
Getting help and support yourself is important so that you can continue to help your sister and cope with everything. We have a page on Family relationships which you might find useful and you can talk to one of the counsellors at ChildLine any time you need to. Theyre available 24 hours a day - you can call them for free on 0800 1111, you can log on for a 1-2-1 chat or you can send an email through your account these take a little longer to reply to (up to 24 hours).
In the meantime please take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.