Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Now what?..

Im in this relationship that is extremely unhealthy. I was into drugs and I cheated on him multiple times. But after some time, I dropped the drinking, drugs, chilling with guys and even some girls. I allow him on my facebook when im sleeping (because I hate knowing how he thinks of me and everytime he goes through my facebook its to see if theres something to be mad about) and I even give him the opportunity to look through my phone by leaving it on the table while I go shower just so he could feel okay and so I dont have to know every time he sees me as that kind of person. He calls me a liar if I dont answer his questions, he thinks im cheating on him if im too happy or too sad, he blames me for his behaviour. Im going insane, my household is trying to control the things that I do, I just want to leave and live where non of these problems are in sight. Im all about peace and love, I hate seeing people hurt, and thats kind of why I hadnt left, but one of the biggest reasons are, i have no where to go... i was even considering going into the service, but i dont want to go into it just because im unhappy with the way things are...what do i do...
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Nobody has the right to control you, put you down or make you feel bad about yourself in this way. What he’s doing sounds like emotional abuse and relationship abuse. It’s not your fault that it’s happening.

You believe that your boyfriend’s behaviour has been triggered because you cheated on him. However, that doesn’t mean that he is allowed to be emotionally abusive in this way. You’re taking a lot of responsibility for this situation because you feel guilty. Your boyfriend isn’t allowed to punish you by making you feel bad about yourself. You deserve respect. 

After somebody has been unfaithful in a relationship it can take time to build up trust again. It’s important to decide as a couple what will help with this. Both people in the relationship need to feel comfortable with this. It doesn’t seem as though you’re happy in the relationship now, and you have the right to leave.

You said that your household is trying to control what you do and it sounds as though you really want to escape because it all feels too much to cope with. I’m not sure what your age is, but it could help to get some legal advice about your rights from the Children’s Legal Centre

When you talk about going into the service, I’m wondering whether you mean social services and going into care. If you want help from social services, you can get information about their contact details by looking on your local council’s website. There should be a section on there for Children’s Services. Social services try and help families stay together, but they can also give support so that things can get better with you and the other people in your household.

You don’t have to try and cope with this on your own. You could think about talking to somebody at your school or college, or your doctor. You could also talk to a ChildLine counsellor. There are people around who will want to help you through this so that life can start to feel better.

I really hope that you get the help you need.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter