I've had problems for nearly five years, and it's driving me crazy. I don't eat hardly anything. Anything I do eat, I usually throw up. I feel terrible all the time, and can't concentrate. Every time I even think about getting help, I remember that I'm not thin yet, and I want to be thin, not get fatter. I feel the only way out of this is to die, because this is never going to go away.
Sam
Hello there,
Thank you for your letter.
Firstly, I want to say well done for having the courage to write to me about your problems around eating. You say that you hardly eat anything and when you do eat you usually throw up. You feel terrible all the time and cannot concentrate. It sounds like this is pretty much controlling your whole life.
It seems that you feel you cannot ask for help as each time you think about it you remember that you are not thin yet and want to be thin and not get fatter. You dont mention your age so I am not sure at what age you started to feel this way. Im wondering if you can think back to how things were then. Did anything happen around that time, or perhaps change in your life to make you feel unhappy with the way things were?
There is information in Explore about problems with eating and illnesses related to it such as Anorexia and Bulimia. Anorexia is when people eat very little to loose weight and can feel they look fat when often they are really thin. Bulimia is when people eat food and make themselves sick to get rid of the food afterwards. You may also find it helpful to see what other young people like yourself are saying about their problems with eating on the eating disorders message boards.
It sounds you are really struggling with the way things are right now as you say the only way out is to die. I wonder if you could think of another option, talking to someone. Perhaps you could think about speaking to one of our Counsellors either by calling free on 0800 1111 or through 1-2-1 chat online. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whenever you need to talk. The Counsellor will not tell you what to do or judge you in any way. They will listen to you and help you to talk about how you feel, and perhaps discuss options available to you.
Well done again for writing to me.
Take care,
Sam
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