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my mum

when i was 8 my mum died and i really miss her i was crying for hours today because my dad has a feoncy and i dont what him to marry her and i told my dad i hate her but every time she hears me say it and the next day she askes me if its true and i dont have the confidence to tell her it is true and i made a huge mistake today because i told my dad i hated him and i really regret that and i dont know how to say sorry because i allready did but he still seamed heart brocken and i dont know what to do please help me im worred what will happen now what do i do
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Sam

Hi,

Thank you for writing your letter to me. You’ve been really open and honest with me and that’s really brave.

I am very sorry to hear that your mum died. It can be so difficult to understand why these things happen and to know how to get through it. It sounds like you’re feeling really confused and hurt and angry about your dad getting married again. It’s absolutely okay to feel like that, but I also can hear how painful it is for you.

You’ve told me that you hate your dad’s fiancée. I imagine that is a really tough way to feel, particularly if you have to spend a lot of time with her. The fact that your dad is getting married shouldn’t mean that he is replacing your mum. No one in this world could do that, and no one should be trying to. Your mum will live on in your heart and your memories forever and no one can change that.

It seems like you’re finding it hard to cope with all your angry feelings. I can hear that you’re sorry for telling your dad that you hate him. You’ve told me that your dad is heartbroken by what you said. That makes me think that he really loves you and cares about what you think. Maybe you could write a letter to your dad explaining how you are feeling? Sometimes talking about how you feel is really hard, but it’s often a helpful way of letting some of your feelings out. Remember, you are an important part of your family and your feelings should be listened to and respected.

If you don’t feel you can talk to your dad at the moment, maybe you can try talking to an aunt or grandparent that you feel comfortable with. Maybe you could even talk to a favourite teacher, mentor or sports coach? Adults don’t always have all the answers but they can still support you and help you get through a tough time.

Losing a parent is a really big thing to cope with, even for adults. It’s ok to ask for support. You might like to check out winstonswish and the Explore page on When Someone Dies. Sometimes young people tell me they find it helpful to speak to a professional counsellor after bereavement. If you think it would help, your doctor or school might be able to arrange that for you.

You are also more than welcome to come and talk with a ChildLine counsellor, either on the phone by calling 0800 1111 or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat.
Just remember that you don’t have to go through all of this on your own.

Take care,

Sam

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