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To Sam

My mum passed away and people talking about mothers day is tough

My Mum passed away almost 2 years ago and I'm always sad about it, but with mothers day coming up I've been getting really upset when people mention it and it's a big trigger for my self harm. I feel that I'm not coping well at all and I really don't know how to deal with it. What should I do?
Ask Sam



Thanks for contacting me about how hard it is for you to deal with Mother’s day. Two years is not a long time for you to have found a way of managing your feelings, especially on special occasions like Mother’s day, when there are so many reminders all around you. Days which hold a particular significance like birthdays and Christmas can be really hard when someone special is no longer there to share them with us.

I wonder what opportunities you have had to talk to someone about your feelings. Feeling sad when you lose someone is natural, but everyone’s experience is different. Talking it through, possibly with a counsellor or with someone you trust and feel comfortable with,  may help to get through some of the most difficult feelings, and you could also look at ways of remembering your mum in a positive way, such as making a special memory box which you could keep to put in pictures and other things to remember her by. You could also write her letters or poems which you could keep in her box. Some people like to do something special on special days like birthdays, or the anniversary of the day she died, for example visiting her grave if she is buried, or planting a rose bush or other plant in a special place, or lighting a candle.

Many young people are affected by the loss of a close relative, and you can read about how they cope on the message boards. ChildLine has more information about what to do when someone dies.

ChildLine counsellors are available by phone on 0800 1111, or online for a 1-2-1 chat. I hope this helps you get through this difficult time.

Best wishes,


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