Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My Mom and friends

recently my mom and me have been alright but she found out one of my best friends smokes and has been really off not letting me go out with them or any of my other friends without needing a number cheking im there or just to go with them in general i would never smoke or anything like that and my mom knows i wouldnt do this for instence the other day when i went to my nans grave to put flowers there and she was fine but when i went with the girl the next day she flipped and went really angry and picked me up from her house and the girls mom only offered to drop me back home  and i was waiting for a reply off my mom from hers?  

what can i do to show her i have good friends and even if she smokes shes a nice person and a great friend and i wont do it?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to write to me.

It sounds like you are feeling frustrated that your mum doesn't fully trust you with one of your best friends. This all seems to revolve around the fact that your friend smokes. I can hear that you sound really mature in that you say you would never smoke. I think this is a good decision as smoking can be really damaging for your health and it is addictive, which can lead to a habit that lasts your whole life.

I'm wondering if your mum's behaviour is down to the fact that she is afraid that you may decide to start smoking because your friend does. Young people very often say that they decide to start smoking because their friends are doing it. This is sometimes called peer pressure. Perhaps your mum is scared that you could be influenced by peer pressure.

You have made it clear to me that you don't intend to start smoking, and I believe you. I know you have said that your mum knows this as well but it sounds like it may help to give her some extra reassurance. Talking with your mum about this may really help to improve the situation. You could ask her how she feels about your friend. This might help you to find out if the smoking is the issue for your mum. If so, then you would be able to reassure your mum by letting her know that you don't want to smoke. This might help your mum to trust you more.

You could also help your mum get to know your friend a bit better. This might help your mum to get to know all the nice parts of your friend's personality. Your mum might be able to see that she is a great friend to you. Perhaps you could tell her that you are going to have your friend over at the house more often so that your mum can get to know her better. This would come across as a really mature way to deal with the situation and it might help your mum to feel more comfortable about you being in your friend's company.

You have done really well in writing to me for advice. I hope this letter has been helpful. If you feel like you would like more information or support you can look through our pages on friends. You can also check out what other young people say on the message boards.

If you would like to speak to somebody about this or any other issue you can speak to a ChildLine counsellor by email, in a 1-2-1 chat or by calling 0800 1111.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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