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My life...

So many people has died in my family: my dad, grandmother, cousin, aunty and my grandad it has been a tough year this year because i cant cope with any thing i feel like im going to explode i cant help it i have no one to speak to and no one to give me advice. Last year my grandma died that was a shock to me i didn’t speak or come out my room for very long. everyday i still think about her and i feel like it should of been me not her she was the best thing that i ever had, she treated me like there was no one better then me. i feel alone i cant cope, i have no one to speak to about this. for one year its herting me even more, that ive not seen her. On top of that i am being bullied, and presured by my mum to get a good grade in my gcse. i feel so depressed but i cant help it, it would of been better if i went instead of my grandmother.
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Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your message,

It sounds like the last year has been tough for you, so well done for opening up to me. From what you’ve said it’s been really hard to cope with everything that has happened. You’ve said you have no-one to talk to. Bottling up all your feelings of grief can be really difficult, so when you say you feel like you’re going to “explode” that’s understandable.

I can hear that you had a particularly strong bond with your grandma and it seems like you really miss her everyday. The death of a loved one can leave us with lots of different feelings and we all cope in different ways. You’ve mentioned a couple of times in your message that you feel like “it should of been me not her.” I hear from a lot of young people who are feeling guilty in some way after someone has died. It’s a natural response to loosing someone you love, but it can be a really unhelpful feeling. Your life is really important and if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself in any way, I’d really like you to talk to someone about that. I can hear things are really tough right now, but with the right support your situation will get easier to cope with.

Some young people find it helpful to make a memory box, or a book, as a way of honouring the person they’ve lost. You could write poems and stories about that person, collect photos and objects, or choose pieces of music that remind you of them. You can find more ways of coping with bereavement in Explore and on the Winston’s Wish website for young people.

You also mentioned bullying, and said that your mum has also been pressuring you to get good grades in your GCSEs. Perhaps you could talk to your mum (or another family member or teacher) about how you’re feeling. Coping with so many deaths in the family is tough enough, without the added worry of bullying and exam stress as well.

Perhaps you could think about speaking to your GP or a school nurse about this. He or she should be able to give you more advice on how to cope with your feelings and may suggest counseling or other support.

Childline would really like to support you to talk about how you are feeling right now. If you would like to talk to a counsellor you can call our freephone helpline on 0800 1111, log in for a in 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

I hope this helps.

Take care

Sam

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