hi sam my brother died two years ago he killed himself at the time i was extremely sad but now as i get older i cant help question every single moment why he did it and that maybe i could have done more it affects me at college as i cant sleep because of it i think about him all the time and i miss him so much i dont know what to do?
Sam
Hi there,
Thank you for your letter and well done for writing in to get some support.
It sounds like youve been having a really difficult time and the loss of your brother is continuing to affect you.
I can hear that your brother was a really important person in your life and him taking his life has left you with a lot of questions about why he did it and whether there is more that anyone could have done to help.
It is natural to have all these questions while youre grieving for someone that you care about and it sounds like it might be hard thinking that you may never know the answers to those questions. It could also be that the feelings you have can sometimes change from being, sad, to being angry, feeling guilty or lonely and thats all perfectly normal too.
It sounds like your brother must have been feeling really low to have done this but it is not your fault. It is very hard for anyone to be able to support someone who is feeling that low, if they dont talk to adults around them that can find or give them the support that they might need.
Sometimes talking about the person you have lost, how youre feeling and some of the questions that it has left you with, can help you to cope more and come to terms with what has happened.
Im not sure whether this is something that you feel able to do with your family or other people around you. Whether you do feel able to do that or not, there is always someone at ChildLine for you to talk to. You can call on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and dont show up on the bill) or use the 1-2-1 chat (it works a bit like instant messenger).
It might also be an idea to think about whether there is a college counsellor that you could to talk to or ask someone at college whether this is something that can be arranged. Maybe you could even talk to your doctor about the impact its having on you - how you're not able to sleep and it affecting your college work. You may also like to take a look at the Bereavment pages on the ChildLine website.
As well as ChildLine there is another organisation that may be able to give you some further support. Cruse are bereavement service and they have a helpline too 0808 808 1677 which is open Monday to Friday 9.30am - 5pm.
You have done really well to write me this letter and there is always someone at ChildLine for you to talk things through more with.
Take care,
Sam.
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