Dear Sam Today i felt so angry with myself i don't know why i just wanna scream but i don't want my mum to know because at first she'll make a huge fuss and then she'll get upset because her dad just died and i don't want to make her sad because i'm scared that she'll cry and then i'll get really upset. I feel that life isn't worth living anymore i feel angry that i am who i am. It doesn't seem that i have anyone to talk to. HELP
Sam
Hi there,
Its good to hear from you and I am glad youve got in touch.
I can hear how youre feeling really frustrated and angry with yourself at the moment. Youve done really well to tell me how you're feeling and how overwhelming your feelings are. There are different safe things people try to do to cope with these sorts of feelings and to let them out.
You might be able to try - punching pillows, doing exercise, dance or sport can help. Other people find that writing, drawing or painting helps - as it can get the feelings out, some people keep these things safe and hidden, other find that destroying the paper can help. Also listening music or watching something can help take your mind off things. It all depends on what you like doing or feel able to do.
From what you said it sounds like mum is really important to you and you worry how she may react to your feelings. I know that not feeling able to talk to the people we are close to can leave people feeling really lonely.
When someone dies it can leave people with lots of different feelings and it can seem they are easily upset. The When someone dies section on the ChildLine may help you think about talking to mum when she is upset, and some of the feelings she may have at the moment.
I am concerned that you feel that life isnt worth living anymore and I want to support you as best I can with those feeling. Many people who say things like life isnt worth living anymore are thinking about ending their lives. You have taken an important first step by telling me this in your letter and being so honest about what you are thinking and feeling.
Feelings like this can be really important to talk about, and some young people feel a great sense of relief by being able to do this. There is some more information about these sorts of feelings on the ChildLine website.
If you wanted to talk over how things are or what you might be able to do, you could get in touch with a ChildLine counsellor. With a counsellor you only have to say as much or as little as you choose to and can take your time. They would also be concerned by the fact you feel life isnt worth living anymore, and would want to support you with these feelings.
You can get in touch with a ChildLine counsellor through the talk section of the ChildLine website or by calling 0800 1111 free and without it showing up on any bills.
Take care,
Sam
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