Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I am a 14 year old girl who didn't know she was pregnant until around the end of my miscarriage, I haven't told anyone about the miscarriage but I'm struggling to keep my grief and loneliness inside. What do I do?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your letter.

Pregnancy is an emotional experience for most people, but when one ends unexpectedly it can be even more emotional. And this isn’t usually something you can cope with on your own. Keeping grief and loneliness inside isn’t healthy and it’s better to let that out and get help, no matter how hard that might be.

Even though you didn’t know you were pregnant, a miscarriage is still a difficult experience to go through. Everyone will have a different experience but often people can feel like they are responsible for the miscarriage with guilt and regret. It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault at all – lots of pregnancies end early, often without the person realising they were pregnant.

Coping with grief is hard and it’s okay to get some support for this. You may be feeling like you can’t share this with anyone but it would be important to find someone you can trust – ideally an adult that you feel able to talk to. Sharing your feelings is the first step towards working through this and moving on. It might not be easy but it can be better for you in the future.

A good place to begin could be talking with a counsellor – they’ll be able to keep this confidential, so you can talk about how you feel and what support you think you need.

You can also get advice and support from Miscarriage Association.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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