Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

It’s frustrating when we feel like we don’t have a lot of control over something. I can hear that you are upset with your dance trainer because of how she organises the class. I don’t think it sounds silly at all – if something matters to you then it matters to me as well.

It seems like the problem here is that you feel powerless to change the situation. You’ve said that you get told to be at the back and it sounds like you don’t get much choice in that. The most direct way of changing this would be to talk to your trainer but I know you’ve said you don’t want to do that.

Sometimes it can help to look at what’s stopping us from talking to someone about a difficult problem. Maybe you feel awkward about bringing it up – in which case you could try and think about what might make it less awkward for you. If you have a friend who is willing to talk to her with you then this might make it easier.

You might not feel confident talking to her about it yourself at all. If so, maybe there’s someone you’re more comfortable with who might be able to talk to her for you. You could also think of writing a letter to her if you think this might be easier to explain how you feel.

Whatever you decide, it seems like your trainer is the person who decides people’s positions – but that doesn’t mean things are entirely out of your control. I don’t know what your trainer is like and whether she will be able to give you what you’re asking for, but maybe if you don’t try then you’ll never know. It might be that you just need to find a way of talking to her that you feel okay with.

Remember - if she says you still have to be at the back then you haven’t really lost anything and you could think about changing clubs.

I hope that helps but if you want to talk more you’d be welcome to talk to one of the counsellors at ChildLine – you can get in touch by talking on the phone, by email or in a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,
Sam