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To Sam

Love Being Alone

Hi Sam,

This is my first time doing this, so I hope I'm not bothering you.

I am 12, and I am slightly concerned because I love to be alone. I wish that all my friends will end up hating me and I will be a loner in school. Don't get me wrong, my friends are cool, but I have trust issues. I wish that I will have no friends because I hate the idea of having friends. I know it sounds weird but I am confused. I really wish I didn't have any friends and I could be alone, eat lunch alone, not have any partner for P.E. I am going to Year Eight in September, so I really don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading, I don't expect this to be chosen, and I know the letter is a bit all over the place, but thanks.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there

It’s okay to be happy in your own company and enjoy being alone sometimes. It can also be important to socialise and spend time with other people. We’re all different and it’s okay to find the balance that works for you.

Social media can sometimes make you feel that you should be with your friends and having fun most of the time. Or there’s something wrong with wanting quiet time by yourself. Peer pressure can sometimes make it difficult to make your own choices but it’s important to listen to your instincts and do what’s right for you.

Some people are more outgoing and enjoy being with others. They might also like being in the limelight or the centre of attention. Other people like to spend more time alone. If you’re like this you might need more time to yourself and find you feel tired when you spend a lot of time with other people. Both are okay. There’s no right or wrong way to be.

Friendships can be confusing - sometimes they can be great and other times they can be tough. They often work best when you feel you can be yourself and trust your friends. If you find it difficult to trust people you might be worried your friends will let you down or talk behind your back. Taking small steps to get to know them better can help. You could start to build up your trust over time by only sharing things about yourself that aren’t personal. It might feel safer to find out how they treat you with things that aren’t as important to you at first.

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. That can mean your friends might let you down sometimes. Whether you trust them again in the future will often depend on what they did and how they reacted afterwards.

It can be hard to forgive and move forwards but it can help you if you’re able to let go of what’s in the past, if that’s possible. Friendships aren’t necessarily forever and often they’ll change as you grow up and your interests change.

Thank you for writing to me and remember you can always talk to a counsellor at Childline about how you’re feeling.

Take care,

Sam

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