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Hi L,
Thanks for your letter.
It sounds like youre concerned about taking out your angry feelings on your friends. You said that youre worried about becoming a bully. I think youve been really brave to recognise that you might need to change some of your behaviour. Well done for asking for some help with this.
Although you dont agree with mum that your feelings are caused by hormones, its true to say that young people often feel quite overwhelmed by strong emotions like anger when they reach puberty. It can be scary to have these strong feelings and not know how to deal with them.
I can hear that you dont like the way your anger makes you behave with your friends. This tells me that you are a considerate and caring person. You are doing exactly the right thing by talking about your angry feelings and this is one way of getting some of the anger out more safely. Hopefully learning to express your anger in a more controlled way will stop you from saying things you regret to your friends. Another way of doing this is to keep a journal of how you feel each day. Then you will learn to recognise the things that trigger your anger and itll help you manage it better.
Doing physical exercise or sport will also help to release some anger. There are also safe ways to express anger, like hitting a pillow until youre tired, or twisting a towel as hard as you can. Find somewhere where you can scream as loud as you want, or scream into a duvet.
Talking to a ChildLine counsellor could also help you to understand and manage your anger better. You can do that by phoning 0800 1111, or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat. Take a look at what other young people are saying about anger on our message boards. You could also check out the helpful advice on the Kidscape and Young Minds websites.
Well done again for writing in, I hope this helps.
Take care,
Sam.
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.