Hi there,
Some people can get quite scared and shocked by self-harm when they have no experience of it themselves. This is usually because they dont understand it and they dont know what to do for the person who self-harms. I know from lots of young people writing to me that self-harm is often a way to cope or feel in control of something that is going on for them.
Any sort of friendship or relationship breakup is always hard. Trust is a key part of any relationship, and when you get close to somebody it is natural for them to find out parts of you that others may not know. Relationship breakups always have an element of fear then, as you are scared that the person will break that trust. I understand that self-harm must be a big secret of yours and it is understandable that you are very scared that this guy will tell it to others especially since you know how he has reacted.
You dont need to feel bad for having told this guy about your self-harm. You havent done anything wrong. Self-harm is not something you have to go through all by yourself. You were right to reach out and try to share with somebody.
Dont let this one negative experience put you off trying to talk with somebody in the future. Not everybody will react in this way to you. Lots of young people tell me that self-harm is their way of trying to cope with something in the best way they can. These young people say that what they need is somebody to listen and understand without being shocked or judging them. There are lots of people out there like this for you.
It is good to have somebody close to you in your life who understands what youre going through. Think about the people in your life you really trust perhaps a friend, family member or teacher. Maybe this person is somebody you could tell about your self-harm?
If you feel that you cannot talk to somebody close to you there are counsellors at ChildLine who you can speak to in confidence. We also have some useful pages with information on self-harm, relationships and friendships that you might find useful.
I hope you have found this letter useful.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
