Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to write to me. Losing someone close is really tough and it can take a long time to get used to not having them there. Best friends are often people we share special times with and who allow us to be ourselves. I can hear how much it hurt losing someone who was such an important part of your life. I’m really pleased that you’ve got in touch for some support.

You described feeling like he’s just died all over again and I imagine that is incredibly painful. Everyone feels loss differently but I want you to know that it’s normal to experience a whole range of emotions when someone dies. It’s also normal to have some weeks and days that are harder than others. Try to be patient with yourself and work through your feelings at your own pace. It sounds like you are having a tough week at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that you will always feel this way.

There’s more information on the when someone dies page - this can help explain the different emotions that you might feel. You could also look at the Winston’s Wish website, who are an organisation that supports young people who’ve lost someone close. Their site has a section especially for young people that you might find it helpful to take a look at.

I can hear how much you miss your friend. Although it can be very painful to think about a person that you’ve lost, sometimes it can be a comfort to hold on to your positive memories of them. Some people find it helpful to collect together special reminders of the times they’ve spent with the person they’ve lost in a memory box. These could be photos of the two of you, gifts your friend gave you, or things that you collected on days out together.

It can also be helpful to talk to someone you trust about any difficult feelings that you are going through. This might be a family member or another friend, or even a teacher that you get on with at school or college. You can also talk to a ChildLine counsellor, by sending them an email, logging on for a 1-2-1 chat, or calling for free on 0800 1111. You might also find it helpful to have a look at the bereavement message board, which is a space where young people have posted messages to each other about their experiences of losing a loved one.

I know it might feel impossible to believe at the moment, but with time and the right support, it will get easier to cope with the loss. Speaking out about how you feel is an important part of learning to deal with what’s happened, so well done for writing to me.

Take care,

Sam