Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me. I can hear how much you want to change from being a girl to being a boy. It seems like you’ve been feeling like this way for a long time now. I think that you have been really brave telling me, I get the sense that it was a big step for you and I think that you have done really well.

You say that you want surgery to turn you into a boy and it sounds like it is really hard for you to feel like you are in the wrong body. You are not alone in feeling this way – there are plenty of people out there who feel like they want to change their gender, and they may refer to themselves as being “transgendered”. You can read more about identifying as transgender in the Explore section.

Some transgender people will eventually have surgery, whereas other people will make smaller changes. For example, some people start by wearing different clothes and changing their hair, so that they feel more like their appearance matches who they are on the inside. There are also medical treatments such as hormone therapy that will produce physical changes, and speech therapy can sometimes be useful to help people adjust their voice. The NHS has more information about this process on their Teenagers and Gender Identity page.

While you’re still under 18, you’d need the support of a parent or carer to be able to get medical help with changing your gender. I can hear that you’re worried about telling your mum because you are unsure how she’ll react. Your mum may or may not understand about being transgendered, and it might be hard for her to know how best to support you. Perhaps you could test the water by mentioning stories you’ve heard about transgendered people, and seeing how she reacts? Some young people have had a really positive experience of telling their parents or carers about being transgendered and other have had a more difficult time. I want you to remember that however other people may react to finding out that you want to be a boy, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel.

Maybe you could contact ChildLine to speak to a counsellor about what might help you with deciding whether to talk to mum. If you go to the message boards, you will see that other young people have shared their experiences of being transgendered. 

You’ve said that you don’t know what to do anymore and it sounds like this is a very difficult time for you. You’ve taken a brilliant first step by talking to me about how you feel. Please remember that the ChildLine counsellors are always here to listen and support you with figuring out what you want to happen next. You can call us on 0800 1111 or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,

Sam