Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I have no idea how to come out

please help me i have no idea how to come out as bi to my parents and despite knowing that they support gay rights im worried about their reaction

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Lots of people feel nervous when they want to tell someone about their sexuality or gender identity. Sometimes you might be worried that people won't react in the way you hope, other times you don't know what to say or how to say it. Whatever the reason, it's natural to be a bit nervous and there are some tips I can give you that might help.

Firstly, it's important to say that who you find attractive is your business and nobody else's. Most people want to be open about their sexuality and that's great as there’s usually no reason to hide it. Unfortunately, some people might be living in a situation where they might be in danger if others knew about their sexuality. It's not ok for anyone to judge you for your sexuality, but If you feel like coming out might put you at risk of being hurt or thrown out, it's okay not to tell anyone for now - your safety comes first.  It's not nice to feel like you can't openly be yourself with others, so wanting to come out is perfectly understandable. The first step to take is choosing who you will tell first. If there is someone who you’re confident will be supportive you can tell them first and they can be there for you when you tell other people. This might be a friend or a family member.

The next thing to decide is when to tell them. There’re a couple of ways of going about it. You might want to do it unplanned, at a time that feels right for you. Sometimes the opportunity comes along and you can come out naturally. Or you can plan a time when you’ll sit down and talk about it. If you want to come out as soon as possible, making a specific time to do it is probably the best way as an unplanned moment might not come for a while.

However you choose to come out I want you to know that it's okay to love whoever you love - no matter their gender, sexuality, race, religion (or lack of religion) or their ability. There’s a strong LGBTQ+ community on our message boards, you might want to post there to find out how coming out was for other young people and get their support and advice.

Thanks for writing.

Take care.


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