Ask Sam letter


To Sam

i feel dirty,wrong,sick human being.

recently i found out that sexual abuse has happend in the family. i'm shocked and feel extremely uncomfortable with the fact its happend and the person its happend to. i keep getting these horrible thoughts about it and imagining it happening between me and the family member or between other family and family members.i feel dirty and upset at the fact i'm thinking and imagining about it. what sort of person would think about that stuff. its vile but why is it happening? why is it playing on my mind? its making me feel so uncomfortable around that person because i love them and should not be thinking about what if it happend. the worst thought is is me thinking about it and it playing on my mind does that mean i would want it to happen!!???? of course i dont its horrendous but why am i thinking about it? its really upsetting me to the point of feeling ashamed. i feel like a dirty peice of shit for thinking about it and getting anxious for thinking about it. i dont know what to do and i just want to not think about the past situation and my horrible thoughts? please help me?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Sexual abuse is really distressing for the person who has been abused. Finding out that a friend or family member has been sexually abused can be shocking and upsetting, especially when the abuser is a family member or close friend or neighbour.

The thoughts and feelings that are causing you such distress and anxiety are a natural response to learning that sexual abuse has happened within your family. They don’t mean that you want to be abused or that you don’t care about the family member who was been abused.

Everyone deals with difficult feelings in their own way, so you would need to find what works for you. Keeping feelings inside generally doesn’t help, so talking to a family member, a friend or a trusted adult may help you deal with what’s happened and how you’re feeling.

You might want to try taking your mind off things for a bit by doing something that you enjoy or something that relaxes you. Reminding ourselves of the everyday things we love can help in tough times.

You could also take a look at what other young people say about sexual abuse on the ChildLine message boards or talk to a ChildLine counsellor any time.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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