When i was younger my mum was told that i had a heart condition and i had to have surgery to fix it she got told also that i couldn't have any piercings, smoke, tattoo's or have children and my mum thought it would be best to tell me about not being able to have children because i was so attached to my doll's however i am in high school now and i don't know how to cope with it i am upset all the time i come home from school and i lie to my mum where i am all the time and now i have started self harming and i don't know who i can talk to because i think my family will judge me and my friends will think i am a freak. I feel useless not being able to have children when i am older because as a girl thats what most girls look forwar to doing and everyone says its fine you can adopt but is it wrong to just want to have a kid of my own please help and tell me who is okay to tell because all i can think about is killing myself and how much happier i will be if im dead but everytime i cant do it because i dont want my brother to be upset or with out a big sister.
Sam
Hi there
Thanks for your letter, it sounds like it was really painful to learn about your heart condition and that you may not be able to have children of your own. I can hear that youre feeling pretty overwhelmed by it at the moment. Id like to encourage you to be kind towards yourself and know that you most certainly are not useless. It sounds like you have many caring qualities and are a strong and capable person. That certainly shines through in how open and honest youve been in your letter.
There is no right or wrong way to feel when we get difficult news. It can take time and space to fully understand and accept how things are. Hearing that you wont be able to have the children you really want is a big loss, just like losing someone close to you. Its ok to need some support to manage your feelings about that. I can see how difficult it is right now. Life is full of different options and choices. When you are ready to think more about the future, there will be small steps you can take to try and take control of your life and make it more how you would like it to be. But for now, its important to just take the time you need to look after yourself.
Youre really important and so is your safety. Any kind of self-harm has risks and Id like you to keep yourself as safe as possible. Selfharm.co.uk offer more information on safety and self-harm. When youre ready, you could also consider some alternative coping strategies. One idea is to create a 'support box' which you can fill with things that help you feel more positive and relaxed, like happy photographs, song lyrics, favourite smells, a list of good things about yourself or the world, puzzles or books you could read etc.
It concerns me that sometimes you feel so low that you think about suicide. I believe that suicide is never the answer, and its really important that you have a chance to talk through the thoughts and feelings you have about that. Youve asked me who its ok to tell and it sounds like youre worried about being judged. Remember you dont have to share everything all at once. What would it be like to start by explaining even just a little of how you feel to your mum, or maybe a teacher at school or another family member? If you feel ok about how they react, you can start to tell them a bit more. Remember that theres always somebody at ChildLine who will listen in confidence. You are not alone; we are all here for you. Call free on 0800 1111 to speak to a ChildLine counsellor.
Take good care and stay safe
Sam
Need help straight away?
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Ask me a question
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
