Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter at what seems like a stressful time for you.

You mentioned feeling under a lot of pressure at the moment and you’ve done the right thing in speaking to me about this. You also mentioned falling back into depression and it's common to find it hard to concentrate or have difficulty sleeping when you are feeling like this. I can hear that you are really enjoying your job, if you are finding it difficult balancing your job and college an option which is available to you is to speak to your manager at work about reducing your contracted hours to something which is better suited to you.

You said, that due to the pressures you are feeling, you have started self-harming again and it’s important for you to know that it can stop once again. I understand that people can use self-harm as a way of coping with their feelings but as it can be dangerous it’s important for you to think about your safety while cutting, this means making sure you don’t cut too deep and that if the wound doesn’t stop bleeding or you are in a lot of pain that you call 999 and they will be there to help you. You may find it helpful to read the information in Explore about self-harm. There are other coping strategies you can use instead of self-harming, such as writing down your feelings. As you said sometimes it's helpful to simply write down what’s going on.  

You may find Selfharm.co.uk useful, it's a website for people who self-harm, talking about safety, providing ongoing support and message boards.

It’s really good that you’ve thought about having some counselling as this can provide you with a safe space to talk about your feelings. I know that sometimes people find it difficult to talk about how they are feeling. It can be helpful to write down your feelings or some bullet points about what's happending in your life and bring your notes with you when you go to your doctors or a counselling session. This is something you can do until you may feel a bit more comfortable and no longer need to write down things.

You’ve also mentioned feeling pressure about who you want to be with, you said that you feel you have to choose and this is adding to you self-harming. It’s important for you to know that you don’t have to choose between any of them, being with someone shouldn’t be a stressful process. If you don’t know who you want to be with you can say you don’t want to be with anyone at this point in time. It's OK to take some time out for yourself, rather than feeling you have to be with someone.

You may want to visit the ChildLine message boards, this is where you can read what young people say about lots of topics including partner relationships and self harm.  You can get support from others who may be in similar situations to you and also add your own thoughts or start a new thread if you want to.

I'd really like you to get the support you deserve. I want you to know you don’t have to cope on your own. You can contact and talk in more detail with a ChildLine counsellor by calling on 0800 1111, having a chat 1-2-1 or sending a private email. Remember that if ever you feel in danger or you couldn’t keep yourself from serious harm you can call 999 and they will make sure you are safe.

Take care,

Sam