Ask Sam letter


To Sam

How to over come jealousy and not act on it

I've changed friendship groups in school a few time, the new one I'm in I like a lot, but the girls in the group are starting to move away and go to other groups to people from and other school and a few in our own, they go places and they don't invite us and they made a separate group chat without us. They post pictures everywhere when they're out making it worse and reminding me of how left out and unwanted they make us feel, and I feel like I've done something wrong to them? my mood has changed and the past while I've just been very down and my mood changes from sad to angry to happy. My "friends" are starting to show their arrogant side in he group chat which annoys me but getting back on topic, how do I control my jealousy and not act on it because I don't want to drive them away all together.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Jealousy can be really difficult to deal with. And feeling jealous can make us think and act differently from what we’re used to.

Jealousy comes from a fear of not being secure. It can also be in relation to relationships, where it’s often associated with the fear of losing part or all of that relationship. Anyone can experience it. And we can be left feeling hurt and abandoned. It’s natural to feel we’ve been treated unfairly, or that we’re no longer interesting enough. But there are things you can do to help.

Sometimes it can help to have a good understanding of how different friendships work. Some friendships can be really strong and last for a long time, while others can become weaker and change in ways that make us feel jealous. People can move on and sometimes it feels they don’t care about how we feel. We can sometimes be left as observers or outsiders in groups or friendships that we were part of before.

Understanding and controlling our emotions is a good way to make sure relationships remain healthy. But it can take a bit of time to do. It can help to stop and think for a few seconds when we feel our mood or emotional state changing. It can also be a good idea to know what things in our lives cause or trigger us to react in a negative emotional way.

Sometimes distracting ourselves can help. But some people find the best thing to do is to remove themselves from a particular situation completely. This could just be for a short time. It can take time to find what's best for you.

Remember there are lots of emotions. They can be positive or negative, but they’re part of who we are. Our counsellors can help you to explore you emotions like jealously and how you react to them and the Creative Tool is a great way to express how we feel.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter