My name is E, im 13 years old. Im going through a tough time right now, ive been feeling low, so low that i dont want to get out of bed. I cut myself to make the pain go away, ive been thinking of killing myself a number of times, i dont feel like eating or even sleeping because i have to much on my mind, i start to stop talking to people, going into my own little world. I start having angry outbursts at people,i start throwing things, screaming&shouting, i could be depressed for about a week or so. Then i could feel normal for a few days but then i start to turn high, feeling im on top of the wolrd, that im invinsable that nobody can touch me that im better then everybody else, having all these amazing plans, there going so fast in my head i cant stop them, i start to feel like i need to tell everyone these ideas because there so good,but the words come out to fast, like im talking a 100miles an hour, i cant stop. I cant get to sleep because im full of energy, im in trouble in class all the time because im to giddy, im distracting the class. Ive been in trouble so much this year, ive been put in rooms on my own so i cant distract anyone from there classes, im starting to stay out late not coming home till late, ive tried to drink and do drugs. I go to see a CAMHS pratitioner, im finding it very hard to talk to them, they have sent me to see a phisciatrist doctor he says i just have depression i cant understand why i have these highs, im really worried and feel i dont have anyone to talk to about this because my mum wants me to keep things to myself, the only people i have told is my cusion but she lives in ireland so i cant really talk to her that much because i live in manchester, ive told my friend but i dont think he really cares, he dont say much to me anymore after i told him. I havent got a clue what i should do next.
Sam
Hi there,
Thank you for writing to me and being so honest about what's going on for you. From what you've mentioned in your letter it seems like you have gone through a really difficult time. The changes in your mood seem to have really affected how you are feeling and this has had a big affect on your eating, sleeping, school work and friendships so its understandable that you may be feeling confused about these changes. It seems like you have already done the right thing by getting some support from CAMHS and a psychiatrist especially since you also mentioned that you have been self-harming and had thoughts of ending your life.
It sounds like even though you have these professionals in your life you still seem to be struggling to understand why you have these mood changes. It is important to be honest with those helping you and let them know exactly how you are feeling. It is also OK to ask questions when you feel confused as its their job to help you understand some more about your health.
Its really good that you have opened up already to people in your life like your cousin and your friend. Sometimes friends may not react in the way you would like and it can be worth talking to them again and just letting them know how you would like their support. They may not realise that having someone just to listen is a big help.
You also mentioned that your cousin lives in another country. When this happens it is useful to think about different ways to contact that person as a way of getting support when you are feeling low. Writing an email to your cousin could be a good way of letting all your feelings out but also by emailing those feelings to your cousin she may be able of offer you some more support.
ChildLine counsellors are also here when you need to talk. Whenever you are feeling low and want to self-harm or are having suicidal thoughts, please think about contacting ChildLine. Its important that you know you dont have to bottle these feelings up. ChildLine want to support you to cope with what is happening in your life.
There is some useful information about depression and feeling sad and self-harm in Explore. There are also message boards where you can read stories from other young people who have had similar feelings and you may get some more advice.
If you would like to talk some more about how you feel you are welcome to send an email, talk to a counsellor on a 1-2-1 chat or call ChildLines helpline on 0800 1111. We would really like to hear from you again.
I hope this helps.
Take care,
Sam
Need help straight away?
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Ask me a question
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
