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Hi there,
Thanks for your message.
I can hear how much this man has had an effect on you - it sounds as though this person did things with you that were wrong but that you also still have some feelings for him and this is confusing for you.
Youve said he has groomed you in the past but that now he has changed it would be important to try and decide for yourself if that is true. In this case you might want to think carefully whether someone who really has changed would still be trying to be in a relationship with a young person they had hurt before.
A good rule of thumb when trying to decide what a persons intentions are, is to ask yourself what it is they might want from you and what kind of things would they say to get that.
So for example, you said that he wants you to go on a webcam with him, but that he will let you go at your own pace. If you look carefully at what hes saying here, he is implying that its definitely going to happen but making it seem like youre in control because you can choose the pace. Why doesnt he talk about the option of you saying no?
This is the way an adult might get what they want from a young person some people are very skilled at talking people into things and its easy to be drawn in by them. Anyone can be groomed by an adult, which is why its so important to be careful and question what peoples intentions are.
If an older person is trying to build a relationship with you, there might be ways of testing if they are safe or not. For example, you could say to them that you were thinking of telling your parents (or another adult) about your relationship and seeing how they react. Adults with good intentions are likely to prefer the people who look after you to be aware of their contact with you if they tell you to keep things secret then this is a big clue they might not be being truthful with you.
If youre ever not sure about a relationship youre in with an older person then you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor about it. ChildLine wont judge you and sometimes just having another point of view on a situation can help you to see things you couldnt see before.
Thanks again for your message and take care of yourself.
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.