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Dear Sam

i am 16yrs and when I was 8 I was sexually abused. I kept this a secret and only recently told someone. Since then I have never felt so low in all my life. I feel so alone like I have no one to talk to. My suicidal thought are going crazy. In the past I've over dosed twice and right now u would love to do it again. I can't live with the things I've done, I want the pain, flashbacks and the guilt to stop completely. I've no fight left in me. Everyone just says it'll get better but it's been more than a month and I've never felt worse in all my life. I never get a break even when I'm sleeping I have these bad dreams of him coming to get me. I'm so scared and I don't feel safe at all. Can you give me some advice please ??

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

It can take a lot of courage to tell someone about being abused. It’s ok if it takes a long time for you to feel ready to do that.

Living with the memories of difficult experiences like sexual abuse can be very painful. It can leave you with some confusing feelings like guilt, depression and isolation. But it’s important to remember that you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not your fault you experienced abuse. You deserve to have support to help you cope.

It’s natural to have trouble sleeping when you have something on your mind. It might be a good idea to think about having a relaxing routine to prepare you for sleep. There are lots of ideas of ways to help you feel ready to sleep on our message boards.

I’m concerned that you say you're having suicidal thoughts. These can be really scary and overwhelming. If you’re finding it hard to keep yourself safe or you think you might hurt yourself, it’s really important to ask for some help. Lots of young people have experienced suicidal thoughts. With the right support, those feelings can change or go away completely.

It sounds like you have spoken to someone about suicidal thoughts already. Even if it felt like that didn't help, it's important to keep trying. Keep getting support. It can start to help over time. You could talk to a trusted adult or a ChildLine counsellor to get help.

There are also different ways to cope with negative feelings which you can try yourself. For example, it's important to do activities which:

  • you enjoy
  • give you a sense of achievement
  • are social
  • are physical.

Find out more about this - and other things to try - on our coping with suicidal feelings page.

If you ever feel unsafe or that you might harm yourself it’s really important to speak to someone and get help right away.

The ChildLine counsellors are always there for you. You don’t have to be alone with these feelings. We are here to support you.

Take care,
Sam

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