Ask Sam letter


To Sam

help i don't know what to do...

help i dont know what to do my mom found out i selfharmed last year and she reacted badly by shouting curses at me and hitting me but she made me feel worse and she turned away the help i was offered.
today she treatened me saying that if she finds out that i am selfharming againg then she is going to beat me black and blue and she will send me away. im feeling really seared because she does hit me ocasionaly and she brings me down bye calling me names such as fat cow, ugly, slut (which is stupied as ive never dated anyone), wortless,etc
i cant talk to a therapist because i cant get to one without her knowing and i dont want to brake my family apart....
Ask Sam



It’s never okay for someone to threaten to hurt you – especially when that person is supposed to be there to look after you. There’s a lot of support available for people who want to stop self-harming and nobody has the right to deny you the help you need.

Nobody has a right to hit or hurt another person in anyway. What’s happening is physical abuse where mum has hit you as well as emotional abuse where mum calls you mean names and threatens you. 

It was neglectful of mum to turn away the help that you were offered for your self-harming. You have a right to have support when you are feeling unwell or struggling to keep yourself safe.

It sounds like mum's reactions and your relationship with mum could be making everything feel more difficult for you at the moment. I’m glad that you could recognise that some of the things mum says don’t make sense. Sometimes when someone hears negative things over and over again it can make that person wonder whether what they are hearing is true and this can affect someone’s confidence and self-esteem.

ChildLine understands that some people might feel the urge to hurt or harm themselves in some way when they are coping with difficult situations. Or struggling with difficult thoughts and feelings. Sometimes talking to a counsellor about these things can help release whatever you are thinking or feeling in a safer way.

You've told us that you're worried about talking to anyone like a therapist in case your mum was to find out. It might be useful for you to read about when you can speak to a doctor confidentially.

No matter what age you are, you can always speak to a social worker about what is happening at home. You have a right to feel safe and happy at home and nobody has a right to threaten or hurt you emotionally or physically.

Social services work with families to make things safer and calmer at home - their main aim is to try to keep families together. It’s important for someone to feel ready before they speak to a social worker as the more honest you can be about what is happening, the better they can support you and your family members.

There are all these options and possibly more. You’re not alone with this and there are ways for things to change. Maybe you could talk some more about this with an adult you trust or with a ChildLine counsellor.

Thanks for your letter, take care.

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