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To Sam

Hatred

I thought i was okay. everything was back to normal. but i just hate myself the way i look the way i act, noones ever going to want to be my boyfriend im such a loner :( i have no self confidence and its got worst i wish i had a trust worthy person to help me but i have noone :( i really want to self harm again but that made everything worse. I always feels anxious around people and im not the same anymore. one horrible comment about me and i just cant cope, i cry for ages and wont talk to anyone, i need help but i just dont know who from.
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Sam

Hi there

Thanks for writing to me. You’ve been really honest about your feelings in your letter which has helped me get a clear picture of how tough things are feeling right now.

It seems like things have become more difficult recently and you’re finding that you can only see negative things about yourself. You’ve told me that you also feel anxious with others and sensitive to the comments they make. This sounds like a bit of a vicious circle, because when we already feel uncomfortable with ourselves, we are more easily upset by other people’s comments and can start to believe any negative things they say.

I’m sensing from your letter that there was a time when things felt different and if they have been better before, they can be better again. It’s clear that you would like to find a way to feel more positive about yourself again. One way to do that might be to try to focus on the good things about yourself (big or small), what you do like about yourself or feel you can do well and anything nice that you remember other people saying about you. Some things can start to become a habit, like only seeing our negative points and if we do this, sadly we can then start to believe it’s true. What would it be like to start a list of good things and try to add one thing each day? You might also want to have a look at the ideas on the Building confidence and self-esteem page in Explore.

I can see you are having thoughts about self-harming again, though I see that didn’t make things feel better for you before. It sounds like you want a safer way to cope with your feelings. You could try reading some of the suggestions on the Self-harm page, and deciding to try one or two at a time. You could also ask for some advice and support from other young people on the Self-harm message boards.

It’s understandable you would like someone who you can trust to talk to. How would you feel about speaking to a ChildLine counsellor as a starting point? The ways to do that would be to ring 0800 1111 (calls are free), have a 1-2-1 chat online or send an e-mail. They might be able to help you think of ways to find other people in your life who can be there to give you some support.

Thanks again for your letter and take really good care.

Sam

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