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Grieving

i lost my mum when i was 8. it was a hit and run accident. i saw my mum die. birthday and key events are coming up and im not sure how to deal with them. it was different years ago because i was younger and didn’t fully understand the full concept of someone dying but i aint 8 anymore im 15 and i know what death is and now i know that its just harder each year as im missing her so so much

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Sam

Hi there,

Grieving for someone who has died is a way of coping with your loss. Learning to live with how different things are now they’re not here anymore can take time. When a parent dies you might feel alone and overwhelmed with sadness at losing such an important person in your life and it can be hard to imagine how you’ll feel without them.

Birthdays, anniversaries and other events can be harder when someone has died, especially if their death was sudden. You might feel sad they aren’t there to share special times and or feel angry and anxious about the future. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about losing a parent or someone else you were close to and it’s natural to miss them and to want things to be different.

As you grow older you’ll experience more events and situations that can make you wish your parent was there to share or to support you with. It can sometimes feel like losing them is getting harder as you face difficult emotions again and your understanding of death changes. Try to find ways to express your feelings so you’re not bottling things up- you could write a journal, use the art box or talk to a Childline counsellor.

Creating a memory box or using memory stones can help you to remember happy times as it is something physical you can go to when things are difficult. You might want to put special photographs, cards or objects in there. You could decorate the box in a way that reminds you of them. You can take out your memory box when you feel sad or when an event’s coming up to remind yourself of the time you had together.

Getting outside and being active can also help. If you spend time outdoors, seeing friends and doing things you enjoy it can help you to take your mind off things. It's important to still do the things you enjoy doing, even if sometimes you don't feel like it at first.

Your parent will have influenced your life by the things they said to you and by their personality, even if you were young when they died. That influence can help you feel close to them or like they’re supporting you with all the positive things you’re doing with your life.

If you ever need to talk, Childline counsellors are there for you and ready to listen.

Thank you for your letter.

Take care,

Sam

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