Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Pansexual and gay

So my school is kinda homophobic and I'm openly gay with my girlfriend, but I'm genderfluid. People think I'm homosexual because I have short hair and I hold hands with a girl. I'm actually pansexual and its annoying when I'm explaining it to people. Some people have started to call me lesbian and it's really hurtful because I'm not a girl. People also say that I'm not genderfluid and I should just be a cis girl. I don't know what to do,  nobody at school will help me. 
Ask Sam


Hi there,

There’'s no excuse for anyone to bully you and all schools should have a zero tolerance to any kind of discrimination or bullying. You have the right to be who you want to be and to be treated with respect.

Your school should take any form of homophobic bullying seriously. They should be supporting you. You can also report any bad experiences you have to the police.

Some people use words to deliberately hurt and upset people. Other people don’t realise the impact of what they say can have on people – this can be because of ignorance, prejudice or not understanding. Some people will make assumptions on other people's sexuality based on their appearance. People might use stereotypes, and often they will be wrong.

Sexuality is often something that you can'’t tell just by looking at someone. So if you want people to know about your sexuality or gender identity, you may need to tell them. It should be up to you to decide who you want to tell and when.

Feeling as though you have to keep explaining yourself to others sounds frustrating. I imagine this could feel even harder if people around you have negative views or use it as an excuse to be nasty.

There are many different kinds of sexuality and you don’t have to feel pressured to constantly explain yourself to others. Everyone has a sexual orientation and this is part of your identity which is unique to you. No one should make you feel uncomfortable for this.

There are organisations that can put you in touch with people who help and support young LGBT people. One, called PACE, offers support for young LGBT people under the age of 19. Stonewall have a section on their website called “What’s in my area” where you can look for local groups and organisations near you.

The Childline message boards are also a good way to get support as it can help to read what other young people say in similar situations. Don't forget that you're welcome to talk to a Childline counsellor.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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