I love Christmas but I HATE the eating part of it, my parents make me eat every single crum before letting me leave the tabel, I hate my body and I'm way too fat and I'm on a diet, I don't want to eat anything at all but they make me eat it, so I make myself sick after every meal but i can't take it anymore, it's frightening and unpleasent, Im scared they will find out if I purge again so Id rather not eat at all but they make me, it just ruins my christmas, what do I do?
Sam
Hi,
Thanks for your letter. It can hear that this time of year is really difficult for you and you did the right thing to write to me for some support. It sounds like you are very unhappy with the way you look and that eating is a tough thing for you to do because of that. Christmas often involves sharing lots of food with friends and family so I can understand this being a particularly challenging time of year for you.
Feeling ok with yourself can take time but its very important that you do try to be kind to yourself. You deserve to be happy and healthy. It can be difficult to know how to make that happen and for a lot of people that can take a long time to figure out. Your body needs fuel to function, both for your physical health but also for your mental health. Right now it sounds like you might be doing yourself some harm by making yourself sick. I can hear how upsetting that has been for you, and I think its really important for you to get some support.
There are people out there who can help you, both with how you feel about yourself and with how you can eat a healthy diet and stay fit and well. You could start by speaking to someone like your doctor, or your school nurse. Theres some suggestions for increasing your confidence about your appearance on the How You Look page in Explore. You might also want to read the page about Eating Problems or post a message on the Eating disorders message boards. Another helpful organisation is b-eat, who can give information about eating disorders to young people online and over the phone.
You say you are scared of your parents finding out that youve been purging. You havent told me what your relationship with them is usually like or how you think they would react if they knew. Sometimes it can be really helpful to get support from an adult when youre going through a tough time. If you feel that you cant talk to your parents right now, how about another family member or maybe a teacher you can talk to? Childline is also always here for you too you can talk to a counsellor online through the 1-2-1 chat or you can always give them a ring on 0800 1111.
I hope this helps and remember we are always here for you.
Sam
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