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Death and grieving

hi sam

receny my sister's friend's mum died of a brain tumour. Even thought i didnt really know her, i got very upset. i cried alot and i'm feeling really down. My mum was friends with her and even though she didnt show it infront of me and my sister, i knew it really upset her too. It has made me think abiut a lot of things and im very worried that if the death of a person i dont really know can affect me this much, i might get very depressed when someone close to me dies. i dont even really know why im writing because this isnt a question but i just need to tell someone about how im feeling as i cant just straight up tell my friends.

thank you

Ask Sam


Hi there,

When someone dies it can cause all kinds of different feelings, even if you didn’t know them that well. Everyone grieves and experiences loss in different ways and it's important to remember that it’s okay to feel upset, scared or worried. It’s also okay if you don’t experience any of these feelings.

Watching others around you experiencing grief can be upsetting. Supporting them may be difficult and you could feel unsure about sure what to say or do. Remember it's okay if you don’t know what to say and to be honest about that with your mum and your friend. They're not expecting you to know what to do or to fix things.

Talking about how you feel and the worries you're experiencing could be an important part of taking care of yourself during a difficult time. Sometimes life can leave you feeling overwhelmed or stressed and there are ways to feel calmer and make positive changes.

As well as supporting your mum and friend it can help to try and keep things as normal as they were before. You don’t have to be different or to change who you are when going through a tough time.

Whatever you're going through you don’t have to cope on your own. There are organisations like Winstons wish that support young people to find ways of dealing with bereavement. You can also always speak to one of our counsellors. They're here to listen and support you whenever you feel you need to talk.

Thanks for your letter.

Take care,


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