Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Cross dressing but confused

Hi I have been crossdressing as a girl for nearly 2 years now and recently ive been doing it more and i like it. I feel like i want to try hormeones so i can develop breasts but im scared ill loose my girlfriend. i dont want much and atm were not in a sexual relation ship. What should i do


Ask Sam


Hi there,

How you feel about your gender is something that may change over time. Some people know for a long time that their gender doesn't feel right, others only realise it later on. Better understanding your gender also means better understanding who you are as a person. This can mean that if the way you feel about your gender changes, the people around you have to adjust how they think of you. Sometimes relationships might change, or end, because of it.

The clothes you wear can be an expression of yourself. This isn't always about gender but about the whole of your personality. Clothes are something that society often puts a gender on - shops usually have a men's and women's section with clothes designed for those genders. However, there is no reason men and women can't wear whatever clothes they want. Some people might expect men to only wear clothes designed for men, and this may mean they notice when you cross-dress. It is never OK for anyone to bully you for the clothes you're wearing - and if this is happening, you can always talk to one of our Childline counsellors or a trusted adult.

Sometimes people cross-dress because they feel their gender is more like the one their clothes are made for. Wearing women's clothes might help make someone feel closer to the gender they identify with. Over time you might feel that your biological sex is not the same as the gender you feel you are. Often people tell me this feels like they are in "the wrong body". Another name for this gender dysphoria.

For some people the gender dysphoria they feel is so strong that they want to take extra steps to physically change their body to match their true gender. There are things like hormones and medical procedures that can change your body. This is called transitioning. Often when someone starts living as a different gender to their biological one they identify as transgender.

Being transgender can be a difficult thing for yourself and others to accept. People who have known you as one gender might find it hard to get used to you being a different one. This sometimes means when trans people come out to their friends and family, the reaction can be mixed. Your girlfriend met you and got to know you as male, so finding out you identify as female can mean her feelings towards you change. It's important that people respect you for who you are. They need to understand this is not a choice - it's a part of your identity that has always been there, but may not have been visible before. At the same time, it's important that you respect it's a big change for the people around you and they may need some time to get used to the idea.

Whatever happens nobody has the right to bully you or put you down for being trans. Everyone deserves to live as they feel and it's always okay to be honest about yourself and show people your true self.

If you feel you want to begin talking about transitioning from one gender to another, you can talk to your GP. The NHS has some information about it that you might find useful - and our Childline counsellors are always here to listen.

Thanks for writing to me, and take care.


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