Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Coping with my aunts death

On Feburary 10th my aunt passed away due to cancer. We were EXREMELY close. She was like another mum to me and she once told me that I was the daughter she never had.

I feel like I am breaking down bit by bit but now the bits are getting bigger. I am angry, tired, extremely sad, confused, un-able to concentrate, losing my appetite, I feel sick most of the time, I feel soo alone, nothing makes me happy anymore and I feel like crying all of the time and once I start crying I find it very hard to stop.

I am 15 years old. I start year 11 in September and hate that she is not here to see me start year 11, or turn 16, or leave college, or get a my university degree or see me walk down the aisle.

She was the most important thing in my life. She was my rock. She was my everything. She is my inspiration. She never did anything wrong, WHY DID SHE HAVE TO LEAVE!? I miss her so much and her birthday is this month and I am finding it harder and harder to cope.

My friends are not all supportive. One even asked me the other day if she died if I would cry and if I would go to her funeral. I nearly screamed at her and ran out of the room.

I feel like everything is caving in. My heart is racing. I feel like I am about to have a break down. What do I do? Please help me I have tried to find help but it has not worked. This is the only place I can talk to anybody...

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi,

Well done for deciding to get in touch. I can hear that things seem really difficult right now so I am glad that you are asking for some support.

From what you’ve said in your letter I can hear that your Aunt was really very special to you. It sounds like the two of you were very close and this has been a really big loss for you. You were lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with her. You’ll always have precious memories of her and it might be a good idea to think of ways to preserve them, for example making a memory book or box filled with pictures, stories and thoughts of your Aunt. You said that her birthday is coming up this month and you might want to do something special to celebrate her life and who she was. Some people do this by visiting someone’s grave or lighting a candle of remembrance for them.

I hear that things are feeling quite overwhelming just now and that you are feeling a bit on your own and unsupported. It seems like some of your friends don’t seems to be able to understand loss in the same way as you do at the moment. You’ve told me that you once you start crying it can be hard to stop. Crying is a natural thing to do when you lose someone and its OK to allow yourself to cry and let your feelings out.

Nobody knows how they will feel when they lose someone so special no matter how much time they might have had to prepare for it. There is no wrong or right way to react. Everyone deals with things in different ways. You will always miss your Aunt but when you are talking about what’s happening and what you are experiencing to someone supportive over time you might get more used to the feelings you are having and be able to cope with them better.

You’ve said that this is this is the only place you can talk to anybody. ChildLine counsellors are always here for you when you want to talk about your aunt and how you are feeling. You can talk to a counsellor by calling 0800 1111 (this is a free number even from a mobile and it won’t show up on your bill) you can also talk to a counsellor via 1-2-1 chat (which works a bit like instant messenger)  

You could have a look at the page in Explore about When someone dies. There is some good information on the page about some of the reactions people might have to losing someone. A lot of young people have written about their own experiences of loss on our bereavement message board – you might find it useful to read some of their posts.

You can also find support from Cruse bereavement, they have a Young person’s website called RD4U. Winston’s Wish are another organisation who support young who have lost someone close.

I hope you find some of this helpful and remember that you can come to ChildLine to talk anytime.

Take care,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter