Ask Sam letter

Hi,

Well done for writing this letter. It seems like you’re going through such a tough time at the moment and you’ve taken a really positive step by sharing these feelings.

You have told me that you want to die and this sounds like a very difficult way to be feeling. When someone thinks of suicide it can be a sign that they’re feeling overwhelmed by something (or a number of things) in their life. It may be hard to see, but whatever you’re going through can be worked through and you don’t have to deal with any of it alone. Although killing yourself may seem like an option it is a very drastic step, there is no chance for things to change or get better if you end your life.

You seem to care a great deal for your mum. It sounds like she knows some of how you’ve been feeling but perhaps doesn’t know just how serious things have become. You’ve asked me about writing her a letter that she could read when you’re dead. If your mum didn’t read your letter until that stage, it would be too late for her to try and help. I imagine that could feel very upsetting for her. Something you could try is to write your mum a letter that she could read now before you make any decision. That way she could try and understand how you’re feeling and might be able to be there to support you.

In your letter you’ve spoken about being ‘mega depressed’ and I can hear that you’ve been coping with these feelings for a very long time. Feelings of depression can be incredibly hard to go through and at times they can make it very difficult to believe that things will ever get better. This can cause you to think about things, like harming or killing yourself, that you wouldn’t normally consider.

Although I can hear that it feels like depression has a strong hold on you, that doesn’t mean that it will always be with you. There is support out there for dealing with depression and many people can move on from it and start to feel more positive again. It might be that making some changes in your life will start to change how you feel, or it might be that you need some treatment for your feelings of depression. It isn’t clear whether you have had any support already. Sometimes when things have been tough for a long time, it takes a few attempts to find the right kind of help and support. It’s really important not to give up just because things don’t seem to get better straight away.

You deserve to have the support you need to get through this. It would be really good to think about who in your life you could share some of your worries with. Perhaps you could talk to a family member, a teacher, or school nurse, or a youth worker. Your GP would be another possibility, as they can talk to you about what support may be appropriate for your feelings of depression.

You can find out more about getting support with suicidal feelings in Explore, and also at Young Minds. You might also want to ask for some support on our messageboards.

Childline would also like to support you in any way we can. You can log in for a 1-2-1 chat or ring to speak to a counsellor on 0800 1111. Childline is open 24/7 and will always want to listen to you. If you feel like you might act on your suicidal feelings at any point, I would really like you to get in touch with a counsellor first, any time, day or night. If you explain to them that you are not feeling safe, they will talk things through at your pace and could work together with you to look at options and how things may be able to change.

You’ve done brilliantly to get in touch

Take care,

Sam