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Hi there,
Thank you for your letter and well done for getting in touch with me.
It sounds like worrying about food and your weight has become a big part of your life at the moment. Your cousins and your mum saying that youre getting fat must be pretty upsetting for you and its not okay for anyone to say hurtful things to you.
Im not sure from what youve said whether you have felt able to talk to them about how that feels for you. Sometimes people dont always realise how hurtful some of the things they are saying can be unless its pointed out to them. If you were to do this maybe have a think about a good time and place to do that. Think about what you want them to know and if youd rather just talk to your mum or all of them. If saying it out loud feels too difficult, perhaps you could write it down.
People saying unkind things can really knock a your confidence and make you feel low. Feeling down can actually make you want to eat more, as it can sometimes be comforting. If you're feeling down you could check out our tips for building your confidence and self-esteem.
Its important to remember that people come in all different shapes and sizes and you deserve to be happy and treated with respect. Your body at 12 (almost 13) will also be changing a lot with going through puberty.
Having regular meals is really important. I would never encourage you to stop eating, but if youre feeling like youre snacking a lot in-between meals and youre not happy with that, you could think about what might be behind that. Sometimes people dont eat because they are feeling hungry, but because of another feeling such as being upset, bored, tired, stressed. So it might be an idea to have a think about how youre feeling at the time. You can read more about this on our eating problems pages.
If you realise that its not to do with hunger but another feeling, then maybe talking to an adult you trust about how youre feeling could be a good idea. That could be someone in your family, a friend or a ChildLine counsellor. You can call on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and dont show up on the bill) or you can have a 1-2-1 chat.
I dont know what build, weight or height you are, but if you are concerned about your weight then you could talk to a doctor about it. You could let the doctor know that youre worried about it and they could look at what a healthy weight for someone your age and height would be. A doctor could also talk to you about healthy eating and exercise. You can find out more about staying healthy here.
I hope this helps.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.