Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I have serious anger problems and the methods of controlling it where says on the childline website is not effective for me. I have snapped at my cousin who's only three years old and his parents and my parents are mad at me. It's too hard for me to handle children for 2-4 years old. I feel like shouldn't exist. My cousin loves me  that he wants play with me so badly but I just repel like magnet. So how am i suppose to control my anger
Ask Sam


Hi there,

You’ve done really well to write to me about how you’ve been feeling. I can hear that this has been on your mind a lot and I’m sure that there are a lot of young people in similar situations who would like to learn more about how to cope with anger problems. 

You said that you find yourself snapping at your three year old cousin and it seems as though this has caused arguments between you and your family. You’ve explained to me that it’s difficult for you to be around children who are between 2 and 4, and it could help to think about what it is about children of that age that makes you angry. When you think about which things make you feel angry, then it could help to talk this through a bit more with a ChildLine counsellor so that you can look more closely at specific methods that would work for you. 

The methods listed on our Anger page will work for some people and not for others, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t techniques for you. What works depends on what’s behind the anger, and also on which things you like doing and help you to express yourself. It might be useful for you to have a look on the Young Minds website for more information and advice about coping with anger issues.

I’m concerned to hear that you feel you shouldn’t exist. Your life is important and you deserve to feel better about yourself. When we’re feeling low it can affect everything, including how we see the world around us, our relationships with other people and how we react in certain situations. Perhaps the way you feel about yourself is affecting how you feel around other people. Your feelings are important and anger is a natural reaction to have when things aren’t going so well. It could help you to think about the kind of support you need with how you feel. Maybe you could take a look at our page on building confidence and self-esteem.

If you feel able to talk to your parents about how you’ve been feeling, it could help them to understand what it’s like for you when your cousin wants to play with you. They might even be able to help you to think of ways that you can enjoy being with your cousin, such as only being left with him for short amounts of time or having other people around to take responsibility if you need to get away from the situation.

It’s great that you’ve taken the time to think about your anger and I hope you get the support you need.

Take care,

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