Ask Sam letter


To Sam


im finding myself getting very angry at time and this isnt the normal me im calm all the time but if people at school get annoying i will always end up arguing with them because i am in such a bad mood because of it I would never hit or hurt someone but I was wondering if you could give me tips of how not to get that angry or how to calm myself down
Ask Sam



I’m sorry to hear that you’re finding it difficult to deal with your angry feelings at the moment. Anger can be a very uncomfortable experience for many people. It can also be really important, because it’s part of the brain’s natural response to danger, sometimes called “fight or flight”. “Fight or flight” helps get your body ready for potentially dangerous situations when you need to do something quickly, like escape from a fire, or escape from attack. In those examples, the body needs extra resources to give you the energy to run or escape of even fight back if you are trapped.

However, in many cases when people feel angry, they are not always in actual physical danger, but they may be feeling emotionally attacked. In these cases, feeling wound up and like you want to hit someone is almost always unhelpful. It’s more useful to learn how to let out those angry feelings safely, by doing physical things like punching a pillow, or hitting a wall with rolled up newspaper. It can also be helpful to look at other areas of your life that are causing you stress, to help you work out where any extra anger is coming from.

There is also a great booklet that you can download from the Young Minds website about feeling angry, and it has lots of tips on dealing with angry feelings. For example, talking to someone, deep breathing, and listening to music are just three ways you can calm down or distract yourself from unwanted thoughts.

Learning how to be more assertive is another good tool for dealing with being angry. Standing up for yourself in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone else might stop you feeling so angry in the first place. There is some information on the ChildLine website about being assertive and you may find this a good place to start.

When you have read that information, you might begin to think about how some of that might work in your own life. You might want to think about what you can try first, and how you can prepare for some of the situations that might make you more angry. It might help to talk it through with an adult that you trust, or even with a ChildLine counsellor. You can contact the counsellors on the phone, or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,


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