Hi,
Well done for writing to me.
From what youve told me it sounds like these last few months things have started to feel out of control at times and perhaps overwhelming. Youre finding it hard to keep yourself safe and youve told me about suicidal thoughts. These are all really difficult things to deal with.
Im concerned to hear that you have been taking medication. Its always important to follow the instructions on any medication to make sure that you dont take too much. Overdosing is dangerous and can cause lasting damage to our bodies even if you dont notice any effects straight away. If you ever take too much of any medication you should get medical advice immediately.
You also told me about smoking and drinking to the point where you are on the floor. It sounds like you feel really stuck in this cycle right now. Alcohol and drugs can sometimes feel like an escape when you first take them. However afterwards when you are coming down it can make everything feel worse.
The website Talk to Frank can help you find out more about the affects drugs and alcohol can have on both your body and your mood.
It seems like you have noticed some changes in your behaviour since youve started smoking and its really positive that youve become aware of these negative effects. It seems like there are people in your life that you care about that you would like to be treating differently right now.
Although you have told me about feeling like you want to die and wanting to harm yourself you havent mentioned much about any other feelings or things that have been going on in your life that might be causing you to feel so self-destructive.
ChildLine understands that sometimes when someone is experiencing difficult thoughts, feelings or situations they can feel the urge to harm themselves in some way. Sometimes talking to someone you trust about difficult thoughts and feelings can help you start to unfold all thats gone on to get you to this place.
Trying to do this on your own can feel really scary but doing it with another person can help to ease things out. Sometimes talking about things can be the first step to getting the support you need to cope better over time. We have advice on talking to people on our Asking an adult for help page.
If you ever feel like you're in danger you can call 999. The emergency services can help to get some support to you quickly.
I know you havent quite turned 16 yet but even someone your age can speak to their doctor without anyone else knowing about it. You could think about telling your doctor about feeling like a danger to yourself and about the different kinds of harm you have been doing to yourself. You may find the DocReady website helpful - it can help you to prepare to talk to a doctor about difficult thoughts and feelings.
You are always welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor. Having a live conversation with someone can help to get your feelings out and think about your options without having to wait for a reply. The counsellors at ChildLine really want to be there to support you with everything thats going on. You can talk to a counsellor via email, 1-2-1 chat or by calling free on 0800 1111.
Well done again for getting in touch.
Take care,
Sam
