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Who is right, mother or I?

I believe my mother immensely dislikes me, because she constantly complains about my Asperger's Syndrome. My mother has no religious background, but believes that I was made by Satan, unlike my sister, Emily, who was made by God. She thinks I decide everything about my Asperger's Syndrome; 'picked what I wanted out of the devil's disorder lake' as she puts it. I've tried explaining my disorder to her, but she says "This is an excuse for your incompetence, laziness and disrespect, since Emily has none of these qualities.". She says that when I die, I will burn in Hell for the amount of time I spent with her, cool down in Purgatory for the amount of time I wasn't with her, and then I'll have payed for the torment I give her. Whenever an overstimulation happens, if I have my hands over my ears, she'll come up to me and grab my arm, move it down to my side, and loudly yell into my ear "You're not fooling anybody, stop with this unnecessary overreaction, Emily doesn't do it, so you shouldn't. You make a choice now, put your hands down and relax in Heaven, or keep them by your ears, and rot in Hell". Any investment made into helping my disorder, she will bill me for when I turn 18, so I ask her not to buy me such things, and then I get labelled as ungrateful. I've contemplated running away and/or suicide, and she makes my cases more convincing. Please help me by answering, who's in the wrong?

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Sam

Hi there,

Emotional abuse is when someone puts you down, calls you names or makes you feel bad about being yourself. When a parent or carer is abusive it can affect your confidence, and make you feel like what they’re saying is true, even when it's not.

Emotional abuse is against the law. It's never okay for anyone to make you feel this way. She’s the one in the wrong, not you. There's nothing you could ever say or do that would make it okay to say those things to you. Having Asperger's means you may need some extra help and it's up to her to make sure you get that support. Making you feel bad for being who you are is wrong.

What she’s telling you isn't true and it's important for you to hear that, not just from me but from other people too. I suggest you talk to someone you can trust and tell them what's happening to you at home. This could be your teacher at school, a friend or another family member. Talking to other people can help you to understand that what you’re being told isn’t true, and that you’re not to blame.

If you want to practice telling someone this for the first time, you could talk to a Childline counsellor. They can listen and help you decide what to do next. If you’re not sure who to speak to for help, they can help you choose someone you’ll feel comfortable with. Childline also has lots of advice about how to start a conversation, and a conversation starter tool, that might help.

You can also reach out to other young people for support on Childline’s message boards. Childline also has lots of advice about emotional abuse, autism and asking an adult for help, which might be useful.

I hope this has helped you, I'm glad you decided to share this with me.

Take care,

Sam

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